Walrus atomicwalrus

[atomicllamas]

17th

6.1
Stan Soojung
Yung Rapunxel - Azealia Banks

Ahh, Azealia Banks, I don't even have to listen to this song to know it's Ratchet as fuck. Azealia Banks is actually kind of a guilty pleasure of mine, but I will say that this is not one of the songs of hers I'm a huge fan of. The beat is super solid, and the lyrics I can pick out are both a little comical (typical of Azealia Banks) and ratchet, but the random sounds / whisper shouting in the background and the random "pause" effect in the middle of the song seems kind of out of place. Overall it was great for this category thematically but is pretty average quality wise (maybe slightly below).

 

[atomicllamas]

16th

6.3
Shubaka17
Fuck Machine - Mindless Self Indulgence

Well first off, lol. Secondly, the fact that this song calls it "the sex" is gaining you a point at least, which is probably off set by the minute of them saying go~go~go~go. I originally gave this a 6.9 for the memes but it just isn't that, I'm sorry.

 

[atomicllamas]

15th

6.4
Yeti
Girlicious - Stupid Shit

Late submit so I had 4 minutes to write this. I am told this is an extension of Pussy Cat Dolls which is automatically pretty ratchet, and also probably shouldn't exist. While this song is as ratchet as expected it and the kind of girl pop that I typically enjoy, the hook is just kinda weak, and is overall not very interesting, the ratchetness of the video saves some points.

 

[atomicllamas]

14th

6.5
Lord Esche
Stupid Girls - Pink

Definitely fits the category better than your first submission (apparently ratchet is not slang outside of the US). I really like Pink (which I will get into more in a later submission), but this is not one of my favorite Pink songs. While the lyrics are good (though only weakly ratchet), and the instrumentals are interesting, the actual singing is overall meh.

 

[atomicllamas]

13th

6.8
BelmontGabriel
Thrift Shop - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Had someone submitted the kidz bop version of this song I would have given them a 10 out of respect ("smells like my baseball cleats, eww!"), alas this is the normal version. This is only weakly related to being ratchet, granted the video is definitely ratchet. I forgot how good the brass instrument (can't tell what it is) in the background was.

 

[atomicllamas]

12th

6.9
Asek
Horny - Mouse T

This song is either really catchy or really repetitive or both. The instrumentals and beat grab you pretty much immediately, but I'm not sure if its enough to carry 4 minutes of two women repeatedly saying they are horny in what appears to be the parking lot of a grocery store. I'm not sure how ratchet the actual music is in this song, but the video is definitely ratchet so that counts for something.

 

[atomicllamas]

11th

7
Funkasaurus
Ignition - R. Kelly

A ratchet classic. Not really too much to say about this song. It's a song I like but would never actively go out of my way to listen to, its also only pretty weakly ratchet.

 

[atomicllamas]

10th

7.1
Granny Pie
#SELFIE - The Chainsmokers

#SELFIE is where ratchet intersects with basic bitch. While this song is musically awful, and also lyrically awful, it somehow works out to be so wrong its right, also you know a party is extremely ratchet if someone lets this song be played. I'd also like to give you props on submitting a song that contains the word ratchet, I believe only you managed that. Overall I give this song a "livin' with my bitches #live/10.

 

[atomicllamas]

9th

7.4
vonFiedler
Runaway - Bon Jovi

von said he wasn't gonna pander and boy is he not pandering. To be fair when I said I had a pretty diverse taste in music I wasn't lying, the only thing that I don't really like about this song is that its a little boring pre-guitar solo, but the instrumentals are pretty good throughout. Also relatively un-ratchet.

 

[atomicllamas]

8th

7.6
Walrein
Hella Good - No Doubt

I had heard this songs several times before, but never actually knew who sang it or what it was called, so that's pretty neat. I low key love Gwen Stefani and this song is a pretty good example of why, as she is able to ooze sex with her voice, while remaining technically pretty solid. The chorus of this song basically covers how I feel about it myself.

 

[atomicllamas]

7th

7.8
Aladyyn
Dear Yvette - Masta Ace feat. Jane Doe

Unlike most songs submitted for this category, this is a song about being ratchet that doesn't sound very ratchet. This is similar to they type of rap music I've been exposed to and that I like, but also something that I've never heard which I like. The lyrics for this song are solid and good at conveying emotion which is pretty important to me when I listen to music.

 

[atomicllamas]

6th

8
Slurmz
I Don't Fuck With You - Big Sean

In my experience, this is a song that brings out the ratchet in even the least ratchet of people. Good song choice for this category, definitely a nostalgic kind of ratchet for me.

 

[atomicllamas]

5th

8.1
KnightsofCydonia
Bad Influence - Pink

The first album I ever owned was "Missundaztood", so I've been a Pink fan since I was 8 years old. I also had the album Funhouse so I'm pretty familiar with this song, and it has a pretty sentimental value to me for reasons. Sentimental shit aside, this song is just really fun and the synth is super catchy. Also super easy to sing along too, and everyone knows that after dance-ability, sing-ability is the most important quality in a song.

 

[atomicllamas]

4th

8.3
Mizuhime
So What - Pink

Midlife crisis ratchet is the most ratchet of all ratchet. As I've already covered, I'm a pretty huge pink fan so this was a good submit, especially since this is one of her more ratchet songs. Also this song is the definition of girl power which is the theme of one of my cats so its impossible not to like this song.

 

[atomicllamas]

3rd

8.5
Da Letter El
All This Money - Injury Reserve

This song starts off with a pretty catchy beat and then it just comes at you hard. Not too much to say, was a solid submission for this category and a group I've never heard of before so I appreciate it a lot.

 

[atomicllamas]

2nd

8.6
Steven Snype
Beat Down - Steve Aoki & Angger Dimas Feat. Iggy Azalea

This song fits what I was looking for in this category pretty well, and also lol Iggy Azalea. The song starts off pretty song, but loses me a little bit when there is a minute of air horn(?) sounds and random "beat down"s in an announcer voice. That portion of the song aside, I could see myself getting ratchet to this song, and isn't that what life is all about?

 

[atomicllamas]

1st

9
Omfuga
Anaconda - Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj is probably the definition of ratchet, and this song is the peak of Nicki's Ratchet. Anaconda has basically everything needed for an optimum ratchet song, the beat is catchy and incorporates ridiculous sound effects that add to the song, and the lyrics are ridiculous. When she starts yelling about her "fat ass big bitches in the club" its impossible to deny her musical genius. Great choice.

 

[Granny Pie]

"Nicki Minaj is probably the definition of ratchet"

Way ahead of you

 

[atomicllamas]

okay a last minute submit by Myzozoa for cat 1

8.2
Addiction - Kanye West

There is something I really like about the instrumentals in this song, suffers from being slightly too long, though it isn't as bad as some of the lower ranked songs that are too long because I could listen to the instrumentals for longer. This is only pretty weakly ratchet. I need to listen to more Kanye.

 

[atomicllamas]

I need category 2 submissions "What does that even mean?" from the following

Omfuga Stan Soojung Robert Alfons Granny Pie BelmontGabriel Funkasaurus PDC Yeti and Myzozoa

I will be revealing Cat 2 either Monday, Wednesday, or Thursday night, so if you could get me your cat 2 submission by sometime Sunday that would be excellent.

 

[termi]

do the reveal, my good bitch

 

[atomicllamas]

do the reveal, my good bitch

Sunday

 

[termi]

Sunday

NO JOHNS

 

[atomicllamas]

revealing in the discord channel listed in the OP in approx 20 minutes for cat. 2, "what does that even mean?"

 

[atomicllamas]

revealing in the discord channel listed in the OP in approx 20 minutes for cat. 2, "what does that even mean?"