How you differ online from IRL

HotFuzzBall

fuzzy-chan \(ㆁヮㆁ✿)
is an Artist
Ya know it's a weird case scenario for me since IRL I'm more of an extrovert-ish (I will rarely go out of my way to chat with someone but, I do enjoy talking to people if that makes sense) while I'm an introvert online.

My problem is that irl I know what I can say, when to stop, when to keep going, etc. by facial expressions/cues or tone changes. By contrast, the online world doesn't have that same luxury since I'm staring at a bunch of words. Basically I'm not a big fan of judgement so I'll always adapt and change in order to appear more pleasing (or less annoying) to someone, which is easier IRL than online, obviously.

I basically won't ever approach anyone online since I always feel like I'm being judged harshly, which is inevitable to not be judged anyways.
 

Reisen

Translations Project Creator
is a Site Content Manager Alumnusis a Community Leader Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnusis a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
IRL I could say that I'm quite the same than on the net, I'm usually an approachable person but I rarely go to talk with people I don't know. People on the sim could actually have noticed that (got called Tsundere so many times), you could think that I'm shy, distant or not really sociable at first glance but when you use to know me you see that I can be nice and even funny!

I think one of my traits is that I'm an understanding person, as well as on the net and IRL.
 

Hulavuta

keeps the varmints on the run
is a Site Content Manager Alumnusis a Community Leader Alumnusis a Community Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnus
I wanted to post in this thread since like December but never did cuz laziness, lul. But I'm stuck at the transit center for a few hours, so why not?

But anyway, I think I'm in an interesting position because I'd say I'm someone where who I am on the internet changed who I was in real life (for the better). I got into the internet at a pretty young age, I actually joined my first forum when I was only 9. So from the start, I was interacting with people who were much older than me and were imparting advice and wisdom, some that I took to heart and some that I stubbornly rejected until I was older. When I was 15, halfway through 10th grade, I stopped going to my high school and transferred to one that was online (although I would later find out they had a campus/office so I did get to "go to school" again which was nice). So from January 2012 to May 2014 I did all of my schooling online. As you can see by my postbit, I discovered and joined Smogon early on in that period.

Needless to say, when your family goes to work/school during the day and you're home alone, you're gonna have to go online to talk to people and so I spent pretty much all of my waking hours online. So I split my time between Smogon and another place (that I was only really a part of for January 2013 to November 2013 but did have a big impact on me).

I think reading all of the arguments that go on here (a little bit of Cong, which was combined with Firebot and known as "a forum" at the time, and then later especially Inside Scoop once I got access to it) definitely gave me a more analytical and open mind. One of the things I picked up on quickly was that almost every argument had strong and justifiable arguments on both sides. There were constant times where someone would say something that I found really convincing and solid, and another person would contest that with another very strong argument. I think I specifically noticed this in one of the threads about Cathy, where someone actually had a strong defense for her actions that were seen by everyone else as pretty much unforgivable (for the record, it didn't change my mind, but it was strong). But this definitely made me more open-minded and cognizant that there were always strong and convincing arguments on both sides of almost every issue. So whenever I talk or debate about anything, I always make sure I give other people the time to speak and actually think and try to understand their argument, rather than just analyzing it for weaknesses to use in my own argument. I also learned pretty early on that if you misunderstand someone's argument or boldly declare something that ends up being completely wrong, you look like a fucking dumbass and it is extremely embarrassing. Twice the pride, double the fall, as they say. So I always make sure to be respectful in every disagreement, not just for respect's sake, but also just in case I may need to take back something. And of course, naturally this just made me more empathetic to people.

In real life, like online, I used to take the bait for every single argument and always ended up being in a shitty mood. Getting into pointless internet arguments and feeling horrible made me realize I could take more agency in how I felt and just know when to not engage with something. Eventually I realized the obvious fact that if two angry people just yell at each other, nothing ever gets resolved, so I made it a point to always try to be a bigger person (I hate that because it sounds pretentious, but I think it's the right phrase) and not fall into petty arguments or lose my cool in bigger ones.

I think with the internet, especially if you are communicating mainly through text, it's extremely easy to offend someone. There's the whole thing about people just being generally meaner on the internet than in person, and there's also the huge issue of misinterpreting something because it's written in text. So I learned how to be extremely tactful and put a lot of thought into what I say so that people would accept it. I find that a lot of people aren't exactly opposed to criticism, they're just averse to it because it often seems like an attack. Well, that's obvious I guess. What I guess is less obvious is how many times people try not to seem like they are attacking someone, but end up still doing so. I strongly feel that you can communicate almost any belief or opinion on something without offending anyone, because it is more about how you say it.

Having to work with other people, especially after becoming a moderator, helped me develop a lot of those skills too. I kinda mentioned this in the Gen 6 retrospective article we did for Battle Spot, but yeah, when you are a leader, you have to answer for everything. You can't ever say "well I don't like that guy, I'm just going to avoid him" or "I'm just gonna ignore this issue" or whatever. You need to deal with everything and everyone. So this of course strengthened my communication and patience with unbearable people, because as any mod can attest, there are often many problem users with low communication skills. But I feel in a position of power, there's even more responsibility to be respectful and helpful to someone. So I always made it a point to be lenient on handing out infractions and focus more on talking to that user and trying to understand and help them (this is not a knock on infractions though, they are necessary and useful for when verbal warnings don't work).

Another thing I learned as a mod is that fine balance between having fun and enforcing the rules. I actually learned this from v, of all people. Though we never really ever talked, just looking at his posts I was always impressed. He was one of the wittiest and most irreverent users on the site and kinda got a reputation as that guy who was a stoner and didn't really care about anything. However, every now and then he would drop these huge nuggets of wisdom and advice on people that just stunned me. I think the prime example that sticks out to me is the one in the vegetarianism thread. He could just switch from fun to serious easily, but always still keep it super casual. Really showed me that being a leader and following the rules didn't mean you had to be a no-fun stick in the mud, and that you could still be chill while moderating. So that balance is something I try really hard to keep, because I feel strongly that I should be fun and inviting to new users. In real life when I'm put in charge of something, I try to follow the same principle. I think people are more willing to accept orders and build rapport from someone they like, after all. I often work with children and teenagers and this is really important with them.

Speaking of communication skills, I, like many, always found it easier to talk to people through text rather than in voice or in person. I used to push this theory everywhere I went but somewhere along the way I met two friends for which it was the opposite. One told me that she found it hard to communicate through text because text doesn't communicate any body language or tone of voice. Another (from the site I mentioned above earlier) once accidentally got me in trouble for something, and then asked if she could call me on Skype to explain and apologize, rather than typing it. I was surprised, because I always felt like it was easier to say emotional things (like a confession, apology, etc.) through text. But apparently for her it was easier through voice.

I always felt I was much more comfortable speaking with my written words, and preferred talking to people online rather than in person, but I guess I just realized that there was no real reason that had to be. The words come from the same place anyway, so why not? I will concede that it's somewhat easier to type, because you get that visual organization, and you can take your time, but nowadays I think I'm equally as good holding a conversation in real life and pretty eloquent, if I can say that myself (peeps I talk to often like GatoDelFuego and shaymin can attest to this, actually, shaymin and I have met in real life!). To that end, I kinda just made myself comfortable talking about whatever in real life as well, whether it is personal or taboo or whatever. People are totally comfortable sharing their secrets through text, so why not through talking? I just try to be as honest as possible, and say what's on my mind. Like I said before, I feel that you can have almost any opinion or position as long as you communicate with tact and understanding.

On the introvert/extrovert scale, I feel like I lean more to the introvert side (I took a test once though, and it said I am an "ambivert"...). I am extremely open to people on Smogon, but I feel like Smogon just attracts the kinds of people I'd be friends with anyway so the sample is somewhat skewed. I definitely don't feel that way on every site (I used to be on TeamLiquid for example, and could not make a single friend there) and most definitely not real life. The thing is though, that even though I am more introverted, I am a really bad showoff, so if you meet me in real life you'll find that I'm extremely goofy and animated with my friends. Well, I am goofy here too, so you probably already know that.

the tl;dr of this is that I was always a goofy kid and I think somewhat too sensitive, insecure, and immature. Being on Smogon (and some other sites) helped me kinda understand the balance of funny and serious more, helped me become more empathetic and grasp all that in real life better as well. So I didn't really have to change who I was, but just be the best me I could (that sounds so fucking lame, lmao). Smogon definitely helped build up my self-esteem by bringing all these things to light and giving me a place where people noticed and appreciated me, I'll tell you that for sure. I cry like a little bitch whenever I read what Albacore and brightobject said about me in the Smogon LOVE thread, and the things said about me in my very first badge nomination by Stellar. And they're not even "worthless internet achievements" because these things have influenced me and given me an attitude that has led to more success in my real life. The interpersonal skills and advice you get by talking to people on Smogon can be applicable and helpful to your life if you realize it.

On a final note, the one thing I rarely really ever get to do in real life is go on big long-winded introspective speeches like this one, so please forgive me if I indulged a bit, and if it's a little scattered, haha.
 
I wanted to post in this thread since like December but never did cuz laziness, lul. But I'm stuck at the transit center for a few hours, so why not?

But anyway, I think I'm in an interesting position because I'd say I'm someone where who I am on the internet changed who I was in real life (for the better). I got into the internet at a pretty young age, I actually joined my first forum when I was only 9. So from the start, I was interacting with people who were much older than me and were imparting advice and wisdom, some that I took to heart and some that I stubbornly rejected until I was older. When I was 15, halfway through 10th grade, I stopped going to my high school and transferred to one that was online (although I would later find out they had a campus/office so I did get to "go to school" again which was nice). So from January 2012 to May 2014 I did all of my schooling online. As you can see by my postbit, I discovered and joined Smogon early on in that period.

Needless to say, when your family goes to work/school during the day and you're home alone, you're gonna have to go online to talk to people and so I spent pretty much all of my waking hours online. So I split my time between Smogon and another place (that I was only really a part of for January 2013 to November 2013 but did have a big impact on me).

I think reading all of the arguments that go on here (a little bit of Cong, which was combined with Firebot and known as "a forum" at the time, and then later especially Inside Scoop once I got access to it) definitely gave me a more analytical and open mind. One of the things I picked up on quickly was that almost every argument had strong and justifiable arguments on both sides. There were constant times where someone would say something that I found really convincing and solid, and another person would contest that with another very strong argument. I think I specifically noticed this in one of the threads about Cathy, where someone actually had a strong defense for her actions that were seen by everyone else as pretty much unforgivable (for the record, it didn't change my mind, but it was strong). But this definitely made me more open-minded and cognizant that there were always strong and convincing arguments on both sides of almost every issue. So whenever I talk or debate about anything, I always make sure I give other people the time to speak and actually think and try to understand their argument, rather than just analyzing it for weaknesses to use in my own argument. I also learned pretty early on that if you misunderstand someone's argument or boldly declare something that ends up being completely wrong, you look like a fucking dumbass and it is extremely embarrassing. Twice the pride, double the fall, as they say. So I always make sure to be respectful in every disagreement, not just for respect's sake, but also just in case I may need to take back something. And of course, naturally this just made me more empathetic to people.

In real life, like online, I used to take the bait for every single argument and always ended up being in a shitty mood. Getting into pointless internet arguments and feeling horrible made me realize I could take more agency in how I felt and just know when to not engage with something. Eventually I realized the obvious fact that if two angry people just yell at each other, nothing ever gets resolved, so I made it a point to always try to be a bigger person (I hate that because it sounds pretentious, but I think it's the right phrase) and not fall into petty arguments or lose my cool in bigger ones.

I think with the internet, especially if you are communicating mainly through text, it's extremely easy to offend someone. There's the whole thing about people just being generally meaner on the internet than in person, and there's also the huge issue of misinterpreting something because it's written in text. So I learned how to be extremely tactful and put a lot of thought into what I say so that people would accept it. I find that a lot of people aren't exactly opposed to criticism, they're just averse to it because it often seems like an attack. Well, that's obvious I guess. What I guess is less obvious is how many times people try not to seem like they are attacking someone, but end up still doing so. I strongly feel that you can communicate almost any belief or opinion on something without offending anyone, because it is more about how you say it.

Having to work with other people, especially after becoming a moderator, helped me develop a lot of those skills too. I kinda mentioned this in the Gen 6 retrospective article we did for Battle Spot, but yeah, when you are a leader, you have to answer for everything. You can't ever say "well I don't like that guy, I'm just going to avoid him" or "I'm just gonna ignore this issue" or whatever. You need to deal with everything and everyone. So this of course strengthened my communication and patience with unbearable people, because as any mod can attest, there are often many problem users with low communication skills. But I feel in a position of power, there's even more responsibility to be respectful and helpful to someone. So I always made it a point to be lenient on handing out infractions and focus more on talking to that user and trying to understand and help them (this is not a knock on infractions though, they are necessary and useful for when verbal warnings don't work).

Another thing I learned as a mod is that fine balance between having fun and enforcing the rules. I actually learned this from v, of all people. Though we never really ever talked, just looking at his posts I was always impressed. He was one of the wittiest and most irreverent users on the site and kinda got a reputation as that guy who was a stoner and didn't really care about anything. However, every now and then he would drop these huge nuggets of wisdom and advice on people that just stunned me. I think the prime example that sticks out to me is the one in the vegetarianism thread. He could just switch from fun to serious easily, but always still keep it super casual. Really showed me that being a leader and following the rules didn't mean you had to be a no-fun stick in the mud, and that you could still be chill while moderating. So that balance is something I try really hard to keep, because I feel strongly that I should be fun and inviting to new users. In real life when I'm put in charge of something, I try to follow the same principle. I think people are more willing to accept orders and build rapport from someone they like, after all. I often work with children and teenagers and this is really important with them.

Speaking of communication skills, I, like many, always found it easier to talk to people through text rather than in voice or in person. I used to push this theory everywhere I went but somewhere along the way I met two friends for which it was the opposite. One told me that she found it hard to communicate through text because text doesn't communicate any body language or tone of voice. Another (from the site I mentioned above earlier) once accidentally got me in trouble for something, and then asked if she could call me on Skype to explain and apologize, rather than typing it. I was surprised, because I always felt like it was easier to say emotional things (like a confession, apology, etc.) through text. But apparently for her it was easier through voice.

I always felt I was much more comfortable speaking with my written words, and preferred talking to people online rather than in person, but I guess I just realized that there was no real reason that had to be. The words come from the same place anyway, so why not? I will concede that it's somewhat easier to type, because you get that visual organization, and you can take your time, but nowadays I think I'm equally as good holding a conversation in real life and pretty eloquent, if I can say that myself (peeps I talk to often like GatoDelFuego and shaymin can attest to this, actually, shaymin and I have met in real life!). To that end, I kinda just made myself comfortable talking about whatever in real life as well, whether it is personal or taboo or whatever. People are totally comfortable sharing their secrets through text, so why not through talking? I just try to be as honest as possible, and say what's on my mind. Like I said before, I feel that you can have almost any opinion or position as long as you communicate with tact and understanding.

On the introvert/extrovert scale, I feel like I lean more to the introvert side (I took a test once though, and it said I am an "ambivert"...). I am extremely open to people on Smogon, but I feel like Smogon just attracts the kinds of people I'd be friends with anyway so the sample is somewhat skewed. I definitely don't feel that way on every site (I used to be on TeamLiquid for example, and could not make a single friend there) and most definitely not real life. The thing is though, that even though I am more introverted, I am a really bad showoff, so if you meet me in real life you'll find that I'm extremely goofy and animated with my friends. Well, I am goofy here too, so you probably already know that.

the tl;dr of this is that I was always a goofy kid and I think somewhat too sensitive, insecure, and immature. Being on Smogon (and some other sites) helped me kinda understand the balance of funny and serious more, helped me become more empathetic and grasp all that in real life better as well. So I didn't really have to change who I was, but just be the best me I could (that sounds so fucking lame, lmao). Smogon definitely helped build up my self-esteem by bringing all these things to light and giving me a place where people noticed and appreciated me, I'll tell you that for sure. I cry like a little bitch whenever I read what Albacore and brightobject said about me in the Smogon LOVE thread, and the things said about me in my very first badge nomination by Stellar. And they're not even "worthless internet achievements" because these things have influenced me and given me an attitude that has led to more success in my real life. The interpersonal skills and advice you get by talking to people on Smogon can be applicable and helpful to your life if you realize it.

On a final note, the one thing I rarely really ever get to do in real life is go on big long-winded introspective speeches like this one, so please forgive me if I indulged a bit, and if it's a little scattered, haha.
I am the same way, I honestly relate to just about your entire post.
 
I think I'm more engaging and open online than I am IRL; truthfully, offline, I don't really talk to people unless I absolutely have to (which may have something to do with the fact that I really don't "click" with the majority of the folks around here). Fear of saying/doing something stupid and being judged for it and whatnot. I think it's easier for me to engage with people and express myself online because it's not in real time, if that makes any sense. I can't potentially just blurt out something stupid or ill-thought (not to mention I don't have to listen to the sound of my own voice). Most everything online is through the written word, so I can type and retype something, edit it, delete it, start over, until I think it looks good and that I come across well. There's always that backspace button to give me a do-over online; there's no backspace button in real life. If I do or say something dumb, it's just out there, and whatever judgment or embarrassment or whatever else happens as a result of it is very much happening in real time, and I have to deal with it as it happens, and I just can't cope with that a lot of the time. I hate making mistakes and looking stupid, so at least online, there's the ability to edit and change and fix things as a workaround for that, but IRL? Not so much.
 

WaterBomb

Two kids no brane
is a Forum Moderatoris a Smogon Discord Contributoris a Battle Simulator Moderator Alumnus
Moderator
I'm actually pretty much the same irl as I am online. Textbook extrovert, very talkative, not much of a filter, goofy and sometimes immature sense of humor. I also have this annoying habit of involving myself in conflict that occurs near me because I really hate tension. I'm also emotionally sensitive at times and, unfortunately, still care what people think of me. This may or may not have anything to do with the fact that I was already an adult when I joined the "Internet" community and culture, so I've had a more difficult time adapting to the nuances and differences between it and real life.
 

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