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Welcome Ladies and Gentleman of all questionable ages. Behold, the Grand Paragon of Badass, the Definition of Awesome and the Summary of "DO NOT BELIEVE WHATEVER I JUST SAID TWO COMMAS AGO!". What Am I? I dunno, you tell me.
Why am I here?
I don't know. I'd like to know myself. Who am I, you ask? Well, Foolish Child. Who the hell do you THINK I am?