-
Welcome to Smogon! Take a moment to read the Introduction to Smogon for a run-down on everything Smogon, and make sure you take some time to read the global rules.
-
Congrats to the winners of the 2023 Smog Awards!
RPSI RD 2
- Thread starter RODAN
- Start date
...crap
Someone isn't capable of hosting properly so i have to do all the work
Summary from R1:
juan, the illegal immigrant from Cuba (submitted by Raverist/GoldenKnight)
VS
The little engine that could, pulling a trail of missile launchers, weapons of mass destruction and blood thirsty mercenaries. (submitted by Brain)
zombie Tyrannosaurus Rex that is immune to every method of death conceivable, and even the inconceivable! (submitted by Yeti)
VS
Captain Kirby with a block of cheese and bag of sugar suspended just out of arm's reach in such a way that any attempt to obtain it will only move it further away. (submitted by billymills)
chia pet the size of utah (submitted by Dubulous)
VS
A lemon-juice-thrower with an automatic eye-targetting system and a rate of fire of 3 lemons per second (it actually squeezes 6 lemons every 2 seconds). It can hold up to 4 rows of lemons, ie 24 lemons, ie at least 1L20 of juice thrown into the target's eyes in 8 seconds. (submitted by Accent)
The MythBusters (submitted by cantab)
VS
a single mirror floating aimlessly in space (submitted by shade)
Communist Megatron on steroids wearing a fedora. (submitted by Johann)
VS
recursion (submitted by Eo)
the narrow spiral staircase leading to the roof of Jack Nicholson's mansion (submitted by asim)
VS
the square root of -1 (submitted by Altair)
giant toilet big enough to flush africa (submitted by HD)
VS
A fully powered cyzir_visheen after receiving all of the \o/ energy (submitted by Da Letter El)
The maximum torture in 147 countries, a CaptainKirby speech. (submitted by reyscarface)
VS
the cast of street fighter in the old west (submitted by Igor)
Summary from R1:
juan, the illegal immigrant from Cuba (submitted by Raverist/GoldenKnight)
VS
The little engine that could, pulling a trail of missile launchers, weapons of mass destruction and blood thirsty mercenaries. (submitted by Brain)
zombie Tyrannosaurus Rex that is immune to every method of death conceivable, and even the inconceivable! (submitted by Yeti)
VS
Captain Kirby with a block of cheese and bag of sugar suspended just out of arm's reach in such a way that any attempt to obtain it will only move it further away. (submitted by billymills)
chia pet the size of utah (submitted by Dubulous)
VS
A lemon-juice-thrower with an automatic eye-targetting system and a rate of fire of 3 lemons per second (it actually squeezes 6 lemons every 2 seconds). It can hold up to 4 rows of lemons, ie 24 lemons, ie at least 1L20 of juice thrown into the target's eyes in 8 seconds. (submitted by Accent)
The MythBusters (submitted by cantab)
VS
a single mirror floating aimlessly in space (submitted by shade)
Communist Megatron on steroids wearing a fedora. (submitted by Johann)
VS
recursion (submitted by Eo)
the narrow spiral staircase leading to the roof of Jack Nicholson's mansion (submitted by asim)
VS
the square root of -1 (submitted by Altair)
giant toilet big enough to flush africa (submitted by HD)
VS
A fully powered cyzir_visheen after receiving all of the \o/ energy (submitted by Da Letter El)
The maximum torture in 147 countries, a CaptainKirby speech. (submitted by reyscarface)
VS
the cast of street fighter in the old west (submitted by Igor)
Who do I pm?
THE_IRON_...KENYAN?
Banned deucer.
Igor I thought you said I was gonna get the chance to sub in
RODAN
Banned deucer.
Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with the Assortment of Various Weapons
vs A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf
barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology vs lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard
A perfectly timed netsplit VS A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp
vs
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare
aaaaaaaaaaaaand a bonus match
Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch vs slippery driving conditions
vs A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf
barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology vs lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard
A perfectly timed netsplit VS A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp
vs
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare
aaaaaaaaaaaaand a bonus match
Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch vs slippery driving conditions
This is madness
This is SPARTA!
Sorry for the kind of poor quality of the first three guys; I did not really enjoy writing those, I think because I knew who I wanted to win so very certainly, whereas the last two I had no feelings about either side at all, and so I just freely wrote. At least I really like the fourth match story the best!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In this alternate universe existence, there had been no treasure at all when Tuco and Blondie arrived at the cemetery, there was no gold at all. Angel Eyes, sitting on a tree branch and his gun trained on Blondie, snarled "give me a reason to let you live?" Blondie impassively stared back, hand draped loosely over his pistol, let out a cool "well...that would not be very conducive for you." Tuco, squirming, stammered "co-come on guys, just play it cool, we're all friends here, we're all screwed." Angel Eyes, ignoring Tuco entirely, demanded Blondie stop dithering. Blondie told him of a well known man, millionaire Bruce Wayne, code name Professor Plum. This man had received extensive training from spirits of the Civil War, it was said, due to his sharing in their tragedy.
Bruce Wayne was said to be an unstoppable shooter, keeping law in his city by overseeing all business in his city while also running the city as its sheriff. Every attempt to steal his vast fortune had failed terribly, to the point people thought it was a trap to catch criminals instead. Blondie knew differently; he and Bruce Wayne were friends in the older days, when Blondie was a bit more naive and optimistic.
The plan was simple: Tuco would use his contacts to get a rebel band of mercenaries together, Angel Eyes as sniper, and Blondie their inside guy.
On the way to the mansion, the bus driven by the pleasant Yip Yips, events went awry as rapidly as possible. Tuco had the numbers on his side and knew he could take the treasure all for himself. Angel Eyes, always able to manipulate Tuco, caught on while Blondie was napping. After five more hours, figuring Blondie was in deep sleep, Tuco got up, pretending to ask the Yip Yips for a piss break. Angel Eyes prepared to shoot Tuco as he shot Blondie. Blondie quickly shot Angel Eyes, and Tuco tried to shoot his gun at someone, anyone, but his gun was out of bullets; to their unhappiness, so were all his mercenaries'. Blondie dropped Tuco and his gang outside the bus and kept on.
Arriving at the mansion, Blondie knocked and waited casually. Bruce Wayne was ecstatic to meet his old friend, introducing his girlfriend, Mekkah's hot sister. After an hour of pleasantries, Bruce went to the restroom, and Mekkah's hot sister was grinding and kissing Blondie in about two seconds. Coming out of the bathroom to this sight, Wayne was furious and proposed a death match, and Blondie knew he had no right to refuse. After each successful sinking of a ball, you got one chance to assassinate your defenseless opponent, and Wayne got to go first. Blondie watched as Wayne ran the table, but each time evaded the weapon. At a loss what to do, Blondie told Wayne the real reason he had come. Wayne told him that as old friends, he would not press anything further, but that he never wanted to see Blondie again.
Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with the Assortment of Various Weapons wins.
Lady Gaga was a sick fuck; everyone knew it, but everyone thought it was at least a matter of simple fetishes and lack of fulfillment. Returning home to her mansion, complete with StrangerDanger, who had stopped in front of the house after running out of gasoline, tied to a chair in a guest bedroom, strange events were brewing. Lady Gaga told StrangerDanger the simple truth: he was her captive, but not as a sex toy or anything so simple as that. No, his beard was to become her ultimate outfit. She caressed his beard gently, letting out a giggle.
Barney, a close friend of Lady Gaga, as she admired his insistence on always remaining in costume, felt something strange was going on with her new suit. How could someone get a suit made out of such short hairs? Barney chuckled and asked if he could come see her mansion some time, secretly expecting her to be engaged in some illegal animal abuse of some sort.
Lady Gaga planned carefully, chloroforming StrangerDanger prior to Barney's arrival. Barney, smelled the chloroform on Gaga when he went in for a hug. With no other choice, he gave her a soft, delightful knockout hug. After investigating every room in the house, he found and rescued StrangerDanger. On the other hand, with her suicide in jail, exacerbated by what she felt was a betrayal from Barney after discovering he was an undercover pig, Lady Gaga's popularity only continued to explode.
barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology wins
Every day Kristen Bell came out and shared her charm with the nature around her, including daily conversations with one Mr. Buzzy Bee. Every day, she told him about God, and the fact that Mr. Bee was one of his many miracles. As any bee would be, this bee was overwhelemed by Miss Bell's ephemeral beauty, becoming more addicted to it than it had ever been addicted to pollen. It decided the next step was to inform the hive.
Now, Buzzy knew that he had to do it covertly, so he had to plan a "netsplit", a magical way to terminate the queen bee's consciousness for exactly 1 to 15 minutes by giving up his ability to enjoy pollen for a full year.
The netsplit went perfectly, lasting the full 15 minutes. With his passionate pleas of bzzzzt bz bzzz bz bizzy bzzt, he convinced all the other male bees to find their way to Kristen Bell. In her infinite grace, she did not flinch even seeing this many bees, and they were awed in return. They gave up their queen, choosing to venture out in the world for more of God and his beauty.
Meanwhile, a netsplit occurred on synirc, and people actually wasted time dicking around talking about how ANNOYING it was. Idiots.
A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity wins
Dr. Wily had been defeated by Dr. Light's seemingly simple creation, Mega Man, for seemingly unending years. At the end of his rope, Wily was flipping channels on his television for inspiration, grasping at any idea. Suddenly he saw the most absurd sight, which was people going crazier for this odd masquerade ball called the "WWE". Wily had seen people go wild, but never like this; if only, somehow, some way, he could harness the energy of this devotion, then he knew he would be able to create his strongest robot master yet and rid himself of his nemesis once and for all.
Through careful research, Wily discovered that one young lad in particular had an errantly gross obsession with the spectacle, Igor. Wily kidnapped the unsuspecting youth, cloned him 9,999 times, and then combined the souls of every one into a mass of unbounded energy. Through manipulations that are far too complicated for any normal man to understand, Wily harnessed this unbounded energy into one tiny, magnificent core. Wily then inserted this into an odd, six armed creature that he deemed the champion that would defeat MegaMan, or Machamp for short.
As any genius evil dictator is prone to do after a bout of mad science, Wily unwound from his incredible efforts by lounging and watching Star Wars Episodes IV-VII as his creation grew accustomed to its operational procedures. Unfortunately, this was to be Wily's ultimate undoing. Unable to fathom the unfathomable depth contained in Luke Skywalker's baby blues, the robot's logic circuits blew, and the ensuing feedback blew the energy core, taking Wily and his fortress to a much worse place.
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare wins
Max Baer was a man who knew no boundaries. Nothing in life had stood in the way of his fists, not wind, rain, sleet, nor snow. In World War II, there were great worries about the ability to adequately quickly travel from the East Coast to the West Coast by driving, and they needed to figure out how quickly it could be accomplished. They knew they needed one man for the job - Max Baer.
They sent Max Baer off as a passenger in a humvee. If at any time the weather turned sour, his job was to pop up and sublimate any element to quicken the pace even the tiniest bit. Thanks to this, a record time was accomplished, with the travel finishing two days faster than any other trip like this in the past. They knew in any emergency that they had a man who could finally destroy any driving conditions with the immense force of his fists; even over ice, they had been able to continue onward at an easy 100 miles per hour.
Unfortunately, in a blizzard, the Japanese were able to infiltrate the United States and create the movie 1941, so while Max Baer may have beaten the slippery driving conditions, the slippery driving conditions beat the entire United States.
Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch wins
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In this alternate universe existence, there had been no treasure at all when Tuco and Blondie arrived at the cemetery, there was no gold at all. Angel Eyes, sitting on a tree branch and his gun trained on Blondie, snarled "give me a reason to let you live?" Blondie impassively stared back, hand draped loosely over his pistol, let out a cool "well...that would not be very conducive for you." Tuco, squirming, stammered "co-come on guys, just play it cool, we're all friends here, we're all screwed." Angel Eyes, ignoring Tuco entirely, demanded Blondie stop dithering. Blondie told him of a well known man, millionaire Bruce Wayne, code name Professor Plum. This man had received extensive training from spirits of the Civil War, it was said, due to his sharing in their tragedy.
Bruce Wayne was said to be an unstoppable shooter, keeping law in his city by overseeing all business in his city while also running the city as its sheriff. Every attempt to steal his vast fortune had failed terribly, to the point people thought it was a trap to catch criminals instead. Blondie knew differently; he and Bruce Wayne were friends in the older days, when Blondie was a bit more naive and optimistic.
The plan was simple: Tuco would use his contacts to get a rebel band of mercenaries together, Angel Eyes as sniper, and Blondie their inside guy.
On the way to the mansion, the bus driven by the pleasant Yip Yips, events went awry as rapidly as possible. Tuco had the numbers on his side and knew he could take the treasure all for himself. Angel Eyes, always able to manipulate Tuco, caught on while Blondie was napping. After five more hours, figuring Blondie was in deep sleep, Tuco got up, pretending to ask the Yip Yips for a piss break. Angel Eyes prepared to shoot Tuco as he shot Blondie. Blondie quickly shot Angel Eyes, and Tuco tried to shoot his gun at someone, anyone, but his gun was out of bullets; to their unhappiness, so were all his mercenaries'. Blondie dropped Tuco and his gang outside the bus and kept on.
Arriving at the mansion, Blondie knocked and waited casually. Bruce Wayne was ecstatic to meet his old friend, introducing his girlfriend, Mekkah's hot sister. After an hour of pleasantries, Bruce went to the restroom, and Mekkah's hot sister was grinding and kissing Blondie in about two seconds. Coming out of the bathroom to this sight, Wayne was furious and proposed a death match, and Blondie knew he had no right to refuse. After each successful sinking of a ball, you got one chance to assassinate your defenseless opponent, and Wayne got to go first. Blondie watched as Wayne ran the table, but each time evaded the weapon. At a loss what to do, Blondie told Wayne the real reason he had come. Wayne told him that as old friends, he would not press anything further, but that he never wanted to see Blondie again.
Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with the Assortment of Various Weapons wins.
Lady Gaga was a sick fuck; everyone knew it, but everyone thought it was at least a matter of simple fetishes and lack of fulfillment. Returning home to her mansion, complete with StrangerDanger, who had stopped in front of the house after running out of gasoline, tied to a chair in a guest bedroom, strange events were brewing. Lady Gaga told StrangerDanger the simple truth: he was her captive, but not as a sex toy or anything so simple as that. No, his beard was to become her ultimate outfit. She caressed his beard gently, letting out a giggle.
Barney, a close friend of Lady Gaga, as she admired his insistence on always remaining in costume, felt something strange was going on with her new suit. How could someone get a suit made out of such short hairs? Barney chuckled and asked if he could come see her mansion some time, secretly expecting her to be engaged in some illegal animal abuse of some sort.
Lady Gaga planned carefully, chloroforming StrangerDanger prior to Barney's arrival. Barney, smelled the chloroform on Gaga when he went in for a hug. With no other choice, he gave her a soft, delightful knockout hug. After investigating every room in the house, he found and rescued StrangerDanger. On the other hand, with her suicide in jail, exacerbated by what she felt was a betrayal from Barney after discovering he was an undercover pig, Lady Gaga's popularity only continued to explode.
barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology wins
Every day Kristen Bell came out and shared her charm with the nature around her, including daily conversations with one Mr. Buzzy Bee. Every day, she told him about God, and the fact that Mr. Bee was one of his many miracles. As any bee would be, this bee was overwhelemed by Miss Bell's ephemeral beauty, becoming more addicted to it than it had ever been addicted to pollen. It decided the next step was to inform the hive.
Now, Buzzy knew that he had to do it covertly, so he had to plan a "netsplit", a magical way to terminate the queen bee's consciousness for exactly 1 to 15 minutes by giving up his ability to enjoy pollen for a full year.
The netsplit went perfectly, lasting the full 15 minutes. With his passionate pleas of bzzzzt bz bzzz bz bizzy bzzt, he convinced all the other male bees to find their way to Kristen Bell. In her infinite grace, she did not flinch even seeing this many bees, and they were awed in return. They gave up their queen, choosing to venture out in the world for more of God and his beauty.
Meanwhile, a netsplit occurred on synirc, and people actually wasted time dicking around talking about how ANNOYING it was. Idiots.
A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity wins
Dr. Wily had been defeated by Dr. Light's seemingly simple creation, Mega Man, for seemingly unending years. At the end of his rope, Wily was flipping channels on his television for inspiration, grasping at any idea. Suddenly he saw the most absurd sight, which was people going crazier for this odd masquerade ball called the "WWE". Wily had seen people go wild, but never like this; if only, somehow, some way, he could harness the energy of this devotion, then he knew he would be able to create his strongest robot master yet and rid himself of his nemesis once and for all.
Through careful research, Wily discovered that one young lad in particular had an errantly gross obsession with the spectacle, Igor. Wily kidnapped the unsuspecting youth, cloned him 9,999 times, and then combined the souls of every one into a mass of unbounded energy. Through manipulations that are far too complicated for any normal man to understand, Wily harnessed this unbounded energy into one tiny, magnificent core. Wily then inserted this into an odd, six armed creature that he deemed the champion that would defeat MegaMan, or Machamp for short.
As any genius evil dictator is prone to do after a bout of mad science, Wily unwound from his incredible efforts by lounging and watching Star Wars Episodes IV-VII as his creation grew accustomed to its operational procedures. Unfortunately, this was to be Wily's ultimate undoing. Unable to fathom the unfathomable depth contained in Luke Skywalker's baby blues, the robot's logic circuits blew, and the ensuing feedback blew the energy core, taking Wily and his fortress to a much worse place.
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare wins
Max Baer was a man who knew no boundaries. Nothing in life had stood in the way of his fists, not wind, rain, sleet, nor snow. In World War II, there were great worries about the ability to adequately quickly travel from the East Coast to the West Coast by driving, and they needed to figure out how quickly it could be accomplished. They knew they needed one man for the job - Max Baer.
They sent Max Baer off as a passenger in a humvee. If at any time the weather turned sour, his job was to pop up and sublimate any element to quicken the pace even the tiniest bit. Thanks to this, a record time was accomplished, with the travel finishing two days faster than any other trip like this in the past. They knew in any emergency that they had a man who could finally destroy any driving conditions with the immense force of his fists; even over ice, they had been able to continue onward at an easy 100 miles per hour.
Unfortunately, in a blizzard, the Japanese were able to infiltrate the United States and create the movie 1941, so while Max Baer may have beaten the slippery driving conditions, the slippery driving conditions beat the entire United States.
Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch wins
aamto
on whom the three Fates smile
Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with the Assortment of Various Weapons
vs A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf
Professor Plum, a boorish professor, was hold up in the Billiard room, where he committed many an unspeakable act with his rope, knife, block, and other various weapons. To bring him in, a colorful band of mercenaries was hired. Unfortunately, as everyone knows, a group can only have one leader. The good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's (scorchingly) hot sister, the yip yips driving a stupid bus, and a wolf were all at odds with each other. Nothing could be done; there was too much infighting over both who leads the group and who gets to mate with Mekkah's ridiculously hot sister. In the end, the mercenaries killed each other, leaving only Mekkah's really hot sister and Professor Plum in a closed off Billiard Room. Word is, she's in to bdsm, and Plum's got all the right equipment.
Winner: Professor Plum
barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology vs lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard
Lady GaGa is known for eccentric outfits; her new one was no different. A magnificently full fur coat colored in the most beautiful hue of red. Her unique lifestyle was the question of many a fan, and so barney the friendly dinosaur was hired to investigate. Barney discovers the Lady GaGa's secret: frequent visits to Alabama, where she is seen running around with one handsome stage actor/singer/whatever. Appearently, her beard and all of her other talents come from this mysterious stranger. as a stranger who could endanger her fame, GaGa was set to eliminate this handsome adonis if not for Barney's intervention. Using reverse psychology, Barney got GaGa to surrender the coat and all of her success to the magnificiently bearded southerner.
Winner: Barney
A perfectly timed netsplit VS A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity
The bee works diligently converting his fellow workers to christianity and has some degree of success. Bees do not really do anything until their queen is informed. With his hive almost fully converted, the bee moves to convert his queen. On his way there, the hive "splits", cutting off the workers from the queen. With no one to turn to but their newly found God, the worker bees immediately set out to convert other hives. Queens would soon become obsolete thanks to a netsplit.
Winner: The bee
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp
vs
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare
Igor loved his wrestling, despite knowing it was fake. He was the subject of many insults and jokes in school/the internet for this obsession. In an effort to take revenge, he built a machine that would channel his obsession into the form of his favorite strong-man pokemon: Machamp. Igor went to school with the intention of tossing everyone about the next day. Before he could get there, though, he was stopped by a young man wearing a Luke Skywalker facemask, complete with the trademark deep blue eyes. Sensing impending doom of many people and tables and desks, the young boy said through his Skywalker mask that Igor really didn't want to do this. Igor could only stare at those deep, majestic blue eyes and nod his head. Luke Skywalker not only convinced him not to toss around users, but also that wrestling was stupidly fake and not to follow it anymore. Such is the magic of deep blue eyes.
Winner: Skywalker
Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch vs slippery driving conditions
Max Baer was driving his antique Ford Model T car along a very icy road. Unfortunately for the ice, Max Baer's punches instantly sublimated it, changing the ice to water vapor immediately, without leaving any water on the road. Max Baer drives safely.
Winner: Max Baer
vs A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf
Professor Plum, a boorish professor, was hold up in the Billiard room, where he committed many an unspeakable act with his rope, knife, block, and other various weapons. To bring him in, a colorful band of mercenaries was hired. Unfortunately, as everyone knows, a group can only have one leader. The good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's (scorchingly) hot sister, the yip yips driving a stupid bus, and a wolf were all at odds with each other. Nothing could be done; there was too much infighting over both who leads the group and who gets to mate with Mekkah's ridiculously hot sister. In the end, the mercenaries killed each other, leaving only Mekkah's really hot sister and Professor Plum in a closed off Billiard Room. Word is, she's in to bdsm, and Plum's got all the right equipment.
Winner: Professor Plum
barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology vs lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard
Lady GaGa is known for eccentric outfits; her new one was no different. A magnificently full fur coat colored in the most beautiful hue of red. Her unique lifestyle was the question of many a fan, and so barney the friendly dinosaur was hired to investigate. Barney discovers the Lady GaGa's secret: frequent visits to Alabama, where she is seen running around with one handsome stage actor/singer/whatever. Appearently, her beard and all of her other talents come from this mysterious stranger. as a stranger who could endanger her fame, GaGa was set to eliminate this handsome adonis if not for Barney's intervention. Using reverse psychology, Barney got GaGa to surrender the coat and all of her success to the magnificiently bearded southerner.
Winner: Barney
A perfectly timed netsplit VS A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity
The bee works diligently converting his fellow workers to christianity and has some degree of success. Bees do not really do anything until their queen is informed. With his hive almost fully converted, the bee moves to convert his queen. On his way there, the hive "splits", cutting off the workers from the queen. With no one to turn to but their newly found God, the worker bees immediately set out to convert other hives. Queens would soon become obsolete thanks to a netsplit.
Winner: The bee
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp
vs
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare
Igor loved his wrestling, despite knowing it was fake. He was the subject of many insults and jokes in school/the internet for this obsession. In an effort to take revenge, he built a machine that would channel his obsession into the form of his favorite strong-man pokemon: Machamp. Igor went to school with the intention of tossing everyone about the next day. Before he could get there, though, he was stopped by a young man wearing a Luke Skywalker facemask, complete with the trademark deep blue eyes. Sensing impending doom of many people and tables and desks, the young boy said through his Skywalker mask that Igor really didn't want to do this. Igor could only stare at those deep, majestic blue eyes and nod his head. Luke Skywalker not only convinced him not to toss around users, but also that wrestling was stupidly fake and not to follow it anymore. Such is the magic of deep blue eyes.
Winner: Skywalker
Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch vs slippery driving conditions
Max Baer was driving his antique Ford Model T car along a very icy road. Unfortunately for the ice, Max Baer's punches instantly sublimated it, changing the ice to water vapor immediately, without leaving any water on the road. Max Baer drives safely.
Winner: Max Baer
Match One
The witnesses are led into the hallway, and shown a window which is currently covered with blinds. "Take your time." the cop says, before he opens the blinds. Before the witnesses they stand: Professur Plum, my not-hot sister, Rutger and two yip-yips. The witnesses only knew the criminals were the good, the bad and the ugly, which ruled out most of the suspects. Except one. All at once they said: Professor Plum! In the Billiard Room! With the Assortment of Various Weapons!
Match Two
I hate Lady Gaga. barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology outsmarts her with ease. Sorry but the mere thought of Lady Gaga just cancels any brain activity that might have been going on whatsoever.
Match Three
Heaven Customer Service, Chat Session 44401148
"Hello, this is HCS, Peter speaking. How can I help you?"
"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt."
"I'm sorry, but could you make yourself a little more clear?"
"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt."
"I'm afraid I'm having trouble understanding."
"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt. Bzzzzt."
"Sorry sir, we are undergoing some technical difficulties..."
* Disconnected
A perfectly timed netsplit.
Match Four
Good job using your own photobucket? Actually I hope you didn't, but instead let GoldenKnight upload your picture to fool everyone, I would so approve. Especially because that means I saw through it. But since that probably isn't the case...
Luke Skywalker's deep blue stare
Bonus Match
slippery driving conditions. Screw bonus match explainations.
The witnesses are led into the hallway, and shown a window which is currently covered with blinds. "Take your time." the cop says, before he opens the blinds. Before the witnesses they stand: Professur Plum, my not-hot sister, Rutger and two yip-yips. The witnesses only knew the criminals were the good, the bad and the ugly, which ruled out most of the suspects. Except one. All at once they said: Professor Plum! In the Billiard Room! With the Assortment of Various Weapons!
Match Two
I hate Lady Gaga. barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology outsmarts her with ease. Sorry but the mere thought of Lady Gaga just cancels any brain activity that might have been going on whatsoever.
Match Three
Heaven Customer Service, Chat Session 44401148
"Hello, this is HCS, Peter speaking. How can I help you?"
"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt."
"I'm sorry, but could you make yourself a little more clear?"
"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt."
"I'm afraid I'm having trouble understanding."
"Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt. Bzzzzt."
"Sorry sir, we are undergoing some technical difficulties..."
* Disconnected
A perfectly timed netsplit.
Match Four
Good job using your own photobucket? Actually I hope you didn't, but instead let GoldenKnight upload your picture to fool everyone, I would so approve. Especially because that means I saw through it. But since that probably isn't the case...
Luke Skywalker's deep blue stare
Bonus Match
slippery driving conditions. Screw bonus match explainations.
ok these are going to be corny but whatever! substitute judge!
Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with the Assortment of Various Weapons
vs A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf
I haven't played Cluedo for a long time, so I sat down to play Cluedo just for this match. not really
I was shocked to discover that rather than Dr. Black being dead, the game focused on a different group of characters.
On the ground laid the body of a wolf, who appeared to have been transforming back into a man for the morning -- it was a werewolf. However, on closer inspection, a single silver bullet was spotted protruding from the werewolf's head, one that had clearly been shot from a Revolver. Mekkah's hot sister appeared to have been tied up, <censored>, and then strangled by someone using some Rope. The next corpse belonged to a slender, tall man with his hand loosely wrapped around the hilt of his sword. I quickly identified this to be none other than Rutger, and observed that he had taken a heavy blow to his temple with a Lead Pipe lying nearby, no doubt due to his relatively low defense stat. I was then shocked to see an entire band of mercenaries lying dead on the ground next to Rutger. I saw their faces had been torched and their bodies were covered with burn marks, and one even had a Dagger right through his face. It was clear to me that this had been achieved by a madman wielding a Candlestick.
Undeniably, Professor Plum was responsible for all of these murders -- it was later revealed that the whole thing had been recorded on tape. But there was yet another. Highlight to reveal the ending...
Professor Plum had looked down at the bodies around him, and shouted: 'What have I done?!?' He exited the mansion and walked out onto the street, where the yip yips were saying something about their 'stupid bus no longer working'. Professor Plum realised this was a wonderful moment to begin paying back his conscience for his crimes. He produced a trusty Spanner and set to work checking the bus' tires. However, this was just what the yip yips wanted. They got into their bus and started the engine. Professor Plum shouted 'What are you doing?!?' before being run down by the bus.
A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf wins!
----------------------------------
barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology vs lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard
Barney the Dinosaur had been employed to catch the master assassin behind the death of StrangerDanger. However, being a big stupid purple dinosaur, he was not the most adept criminal psychology graduate in the world -- in fact he had graduated from none other than the 'University of Happy Peace and Love', where criminal psychology courses involved nothing more than asking primary school children whether they stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
At the crimescene of the murder, Barney managed to locate some strands of hair on the floor, and a pair of scissors. He dismissed the 'How to make a fur coat from a man's beard' book on the floor as one of StrangerDanger's many bizarre interests. When he was leaving StrangerDanger's apartment, he came across none other than Lady Gaga wearing a fur coat made of StrangerDanger's hair. Lady Gaga started stammering: 'muh- muh- muh- murder? In this apartment? Of course I'm not responsible. If you were assuming that I am the murderer, it must be plain luck and intuition.' Now, Barney may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but he could tell that something was up with Lady Gaga. He looked her in the eyes, and said 'Okay, I want you to answer me truthfully. Did you murder StrangerDanger?' Lady Gaga replied 'I promise this, I promise this. I did not murder StrangerDanger'. Barney, observing that Lady Gaga's facial expression had not changed at all, decided that she was telling the truth.
'Do you want to help me investigate this apartment for clues then?' he asked. 'Sure, just let me iron my fur coat made from StrangerDanger's beard'. She turned on the clothes iron and took off the coat as Barney explored the bathroom. He began humming an all too familiar tune.
'I love you You love me
we're a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you...'
With this, Lady Gaga could take no more. She started singing her own tune as she put on oven gloves and placed the scissors against the electric clothes iron, which had by now reached a startlingly high temperature.
'I'll get him hot, show him what I've got'
...
As Barney emerged from the bathroom, Lady Gaga screamed out:
'I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you...
Can't read my, can't read my
NO HE CAN'T READ MY POKER FACE'
...as she stabbed Barney in the heart with the red hot scissors.
lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard wins!
----------------------------------
A perfectly timed netsplit VS A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity
A new mafia player had just joined the latest big mafia game (one created by Brain based on the thought experiment involving the hive mind he posted), somehow getting in over quality players like Raverist and AlphaBravo. He joined #warau and was invited to his mafia channel by none other than the head of his mafia team: Gmax, the wisened IRC veteran. It wasn't long before Gmax began to propose some of the more unauthodox strategies he had adopted in some previous games, such as abusing netsplits. The new player, none other than Japanese_Giant_Hornet (he got his name from Wikipedia's random article feature), announced that he had enough time to discover exactly who was on the opposing mafia side by joining their channel, #christianity, when a netsplit occurred. He trained on the fabled DejaToons server until he had the most impeccable timing skills on all of SynIRC. Then the moment came.
The victim of the attack was none other than CaptCombee (previously known as CaptKirby but he then fell victim to the new name change trend), who had a role that allowed him to convert enemies (from the village, known as the hive mind) to his own side, but he couldn't risk being discovered. Japanese_Giant_Hornet brought the (CaptCom)bee trying to convert his hive to christianity to his knees using the perfectly timed netsplit.
a perfectly timed netsplit wins!
----------------------------------
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp
vs
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare
The machine worked, and 10 000 machamps were produced. Even ten thousand Machamp couldn't make Strength a move worth using though, and Luke Skywalker's Glare (yeah it says stare but it's the same thing) just made Machamp even more on edge. Even DynamicPunch missed Luke Skywalker's face by a mile. Ironically though, it wasn't until the Machamp all became paralysed that Luke Skywalker began to take a beating from Strength. Thanks to his lack of PokeKnowledge, Luke Skywalker had unwittingly activated Machamp's ability, which was now evident from the DynamicPunch misses...... GUTS! The overwhelmingly gutsy team of Machamp finally overcame Luke Skywalker, and not even the force of a lightsaber against the Machamp was enough to stop them from crushing him with their repeated Strength attacks.
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp wins!
----------------------------------
Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch vs slippery driving conditions
Max Baer glanced around looking for someone to punch, but was unable to find his opponents. Finally, he decided to walk out onto the road grunting, where a car slammed on its brakes. Someone dropped solid fire on top of the car despite the rain, and Max Baer, finally having something to punch, decided to punch it, turning it to gas and causing a massive explosion. Of course, this only damaged a small portion of the road, leaving slippery driving conditions intact.
slippery driving conditions wins!
Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with the Assortment of Various Weapons
vs A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf
I haven't played Cluedo for a long time, so I sat down to play Cluedo just for this match. not really
I was shocked to discover that rather than Dr. Black being dead, the game focused on a different group of characters.
On the ground laid the body of a wolf, who appeared to have been transforming back into a man for the morning -- it was a werewolf. However, on closer inspection, a single silver bullet was spotted protruding from the werewolf's head, one that had clearly been shot from a Revolver. Mekkah's hot sister appeared to have been tied up, <censored>, and then strangled by someone using some Rope. The next corpse belonged to a slender, tall man with his hand loosely wrapped around the hilt of his sword. I quickly identified this to be none other than Rutger, and observed that he had taken a heavy blow to his temple with a Lead Pipe lying nearby, no doubt due to his relatively low defense stat. I was then shocked to see an entire band of mercenaries lying dead on the ground next to Rutger. I saw their faces had been torched and their bodies were covered with burn marks, and one even had a Dagger right through his face. It was clear to me that this had been achieved by a madman wielding a Candlestick.
Undeniably, Professor Plum was responsible for all of these murders -- it was later revealed that the whole thing had been recorded on tape. But there was yet another. Highlight to reveal the ending...
Professor Plum had looked down at the bodies around him, and shouted: 'What have I done?!?' He exited the mansion and walked out onto the street, where the yip yips were saying something about their 'stupid bus no longer working'. Professor Plum realised this was a wonderful moment to begin paying back his conscience for his crimes. He produced a trusty Spanner and set to work checking the bus' tires. However, this was just what the yip yips wanted. They got into their bus and started the engine. Professor Plum shouted 'What are you doing?!?' before being run down by the bus.
A band of mercenaries led by the good, the bad, the ugly, Mekkah's hot sister, Rutger, the yip yips driving a stupid bus and a wolf wins!
----------------------------------
barney the dinosaur, the undercover detective, with a degree in criminal psychology vs lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard
Barney the Dinosaur had been employed to catch the master assassin behind the death of StrangerDanger. However, being a big stupid purple dinosaur, he was not the most adept criminal psychology graduate in the world -- in fact he had graduated from none other than the 'University of Happy Peace and Love', where criminal psychology courses involved nothing more than asking primary school children whether they stole the cookie from the cookie jar.
At the crimescene of the murder, Barney managed to locate some strands of hair on the floor, and a pair of scissors. He dismissed the 'How to make a fur coat from a man's beard' book on the floor as one of StrangerDanger's many bizarre interests. When he was leaving StrangerDanger's apartment, he came across none other than Lady Gaga wearing a fur coat made of StrangerDanger's hair. Lady Gaga started stammering: 'muh- muh- muh- murder? In this apartment? Of course I'm not responsible. If you were assuming that I am the murderer, it must be plain luck and intuition.' Now, Barney may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but he could tell that something was up with Lady Gaga. He looked her in the eyes, and said 'Okay, I want you to answer me truthfully. Did you murder StrangerDanger?' Lady Gaga replied 'I promise this, I promise this. I did not murder StrangerDanger'. Barney, observing that Lady Gaga's facial expression had not changed at all, decided that she was telling the truth.
'Do you want to help me investigate this apartment for clues then?' he asked. 'Sure, just let me iron my fur coat made from StrangerDanger's beard'. She turned on the clothes iron and took off the coat as Barney explored the bathroom. He began humming an all too familiar tune.
'I love you You love me
we're a happy family
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you...'
With this, Lady Gaga could take no more. She started singing her own tune as she put on oven gloves and placed the scissors against the electric clothes iron, which had by now reached a startlingly high temperature.
'I'll get him hot, show him what I've got'
...
As Barney emerged from the bathroom, Lady Gaga screamed out:
'I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you...
Can't read my, can't read my
NO HE CAN'T READ MY POKER FACE'
...as she stabbed Barney in the heart with the red hot scissors.
lady gaga wearing a fur coat made out of user strangerdanger's beard wins!
----------------------------------
A perfectly timed netsplit VS A bee trying to convert his hive to christianity
A new mafia player had just joined the latest big mafia game (one created by Brain based on the thought experiment involving the hive mind he posted), somehow getting in over quality players like Raverist and AlphaBravo. He joined #warau and was invited to his mafia channel by none other than the head of his mafia team: Gmax, the wisened IRC veteran. It wasn't long before Gmax began to propose some of the more unauthodox strategies he had adopted in some previous games, such as abusing netsplits. The new player, none other than Japanese_Giant_Hornet (he got his name from Wikipedia's random article feature), announced that he had enough time to discover exactly who was on the opposing mafia side by joining their channel, #christianity, when a netsplit occurred. He trained on the fabled DejaToons server until he had the most impeccable timing skills on all of SynIRC. Then the moment came.
The victim of the attack was none other than CaptCombee (previously known as CaptKirby but he then fell victim to the new name change trend), who had a role that allowed him to convert enemies (from the village, known as the hive mind) to his own side, but he couldn't risk being discovered. Japanese_Giant_Hornet brought the (CaptCom)bee trying to convert his hive to christianity to his knees using the perfectly timed netsplit.
a perfectly timed netsplit wins!
----------------------------------
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp
vs
Luke Skywalkers deep blue stare
The machine worked, and 10 000 machamps were produced. Even ten thousand Machamp couldn't make Strength a move worth using though, and Luke Skywalker's Glare (yeah it says stare but it's the same thing) just made Machamp even more on edge. Even DynamicPunch missed Luke Skywalker's face by a mile. Ironically though, it wasn't until the Machamp all became paralysed that Luke Skywalker began to take a beating from Strength. Thanks to his lack of PokeKnowledge, Luke Skywalker had unwittingly activated Machamp's ability, which was now evident from the DynamicPunch misses...... GUTS! The overwhelmingly gutsy team of Machamp finally overcame Luke Skywalker, and not even the force of a lightsaber against the Machamp was enough to stop them from crushing him with their repeated Strength attacks.
A machine that turns user Igor's WWE obsession into the strength of 10 000 machamp wins!
----------------------------------
Max Baer with fists that sublimate anything they punch vs slippery driving conditions
Max Baer glanced around looking for someone to punch, but was unable to find his opponents. Finally, he decided to walk out onto the road grunting, where a car slammed on its brakes. Someone dropped solid fire on top of the car despite the rain, and Max Baer, finally having something to punch, decided to punch it, turning it to gas and causing a massive explosion. Of course, this only damaged a small portion of the road, leaving slippery driving conditions intact.
slippery driving conditions wins!
The others are unneeded I guess but I'll probably finish them anyways after I figure out what's wrong with my computer.
While watching his fellow bees pollinate flowers and occasionally try to sting people, one bee began dreaming of something more. He decided that there had to be a greater truth out there, so he taught himself how to read to find out what it was. He then began searching the internet for more information and finally discovered Christianity, what he believed was an answer to his questions. He brought this religion back to his hive and began teaching it to the other bees. However, the queen of the hive opposed this plan. She argued that since there was no proof to Christianity atheism was the only logical answer to the religious question. The other bees were undecided, so Barry proposed talking directly to more experienced people from both sides of the argument, deck knight and jrrrrrr, for resolution. Since Barry was a bee, meeting people directly was out of the question, so Barry contacted them on irc where he could disguise his true identity. The other bees watched as Barry pm’ed both people to ask why the other side of the argument was wrong. Unfortunately, just before the answers came, a netsplit occurred and Barry pinged out. Barry tried for an hour to get back on with no success before the hive gave up and stopped watching his computer. The other bees took this as a sign and decided to convert their hive to Buddhism instead.
Winner: A perfectly timed netsplit
While watching his fellow bees pollinate flowers and occasionally try to sting people, one bee began dreaming of something more. He decided that there had to be a greater truth out there, so he taught himself how to read to find out what it was. He then began searching the internet for more information and finally discovered Christianity, what he believed was an answer to his questions. He brought this religion back to his hive and began teaching it to the other bees. However, the queen of the hive opposed this plan. She argued that since there was no proof to Christianity atheism was the only logical answer to the religious question. The other bees were undecided, so Barry proposed talking directly to more experienced people from both sides of the argument, deck knight and jrrrrrr, for resolution. Since Barry was a bee, meeting people directly was out of the question, so Barry contacted them on irc where he could disguise his true identity. The other bees watched as Barry pm’ed both people to ask why the other side of the argument was wrong. Unfortunately, just before the answers came, a netsplit occurred and Barry pinged out. Barry tried for an hour to get back on with no success before the hive gave up and stopped watching his computer. The other bees took this as a sign and decided to convert their hive to Buddhism instead.
Winner: A perfectly timed netsplit
