This is my first war story.
Italics is the story
This is what really happened
My situation was less than stellar. Headquarters had given me command of 5 'promising' new recruits. "Make somethin' of em’, Sergeant" They said. "They performed to the highest quality in the training exercises". They took my old corporal, Honchkrow, away to re-assign him to the OU squad and replaced him with a cocky Choice bander known as Staraptor.
I'd intended to give 'em a taste of fighting by sending them up against some of the bandits in the hills of UU, but it seemed fate had different plans. Before we set off into forests, I got them to introduce themselves.
"Okay, What are your names and your specialities?"
"Jumpluff, sub-seeder and double status, sir."
She saluted smartly, smiling cheerfully. She didn’t look too promising, I hoped she’d toughen up by the time the meat would meet the metal.
"Hypno, special tank, sir."
A steady, calm salute. It was what I’d expect from a special tank.
"Hitmonlee, Choice bander, sir!"
A swift salute with a bit of fervour shown. He seemed to be attempting to impress me.
"Pinsir, Choice scarfed, SIR!"
A swifter salute, with even MORE enthusiasm. Trying to outdo the other, obviously.
"Dunsparce, hacker extraordinaire, dude."
"WE MAY BE AQUAINTED BUT YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS SIR."
"Yes, dude... sir."
Dunsparce and I met a few monthes back, he'd been assigned to my team to learn how to fight, a lesson he didn’t need. His style had no honour, which was one of the things I liked about him. If you’re gonna fight, fight serious.
We marched a while, around what I thought was a circle for an hour or so. Jumpluff took the lead, followed by hypno, then pinsir and hitmonlee (who were jostling each other since the latter was attempting to pass the former), Dunsparce lagged behind the others, just in front of us, occasionally asking why we were doing this, whilst I and the corporal yelled orders from behind (an yelled at Dunsparce to keep his trap shut an move faster, which he would for about 5 seconds).
As we continued marching, it seemed the trees were changing, which couldn’t be, right, since we were meant to be going in circles.
“Corporal, get out the damn map you were using.”
“Sure thing, sir.”
He produced the map which me and him had alternatively been reading from, holding it upside down.
“... You’ve been reading it upside down, and I was reading it right side up, we’re now somewhere in the ladder grove, you IDIOT.”
Yelling wasn’t the smartest thing, in retrospect.
Essentially, I made a new team of 5 UUs and 1 BL, because my other UU team wasn't too fast, and was pretty easy to set up on. Normally, my one BL pokemon would be Honchkrow, but I decided on another this time, Staraptor. I intended to try it out in the UU unrated section, but no-one was there. So instead, I sent them up against a ladder team.
Rules: Ladder Match, Sleep Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Evasion Clause, Species Clause, Strict Damage Clause
---
We wandered for about 5 minutes, trying to regain our bearings, when we came across a clearing. We all took a break from the marching, Jumpluff and Hypno inspecting the trees around the clearing suspiciously, Pinsir was practicing attacks at the air, Hitmonlee was watching his fellow recruit’s attacks intently, Dunsparce had fallen asleep, and the corporal and I were ‘enjoying’ a packet of the finest MRE on offer from head quarters. When I say finest, I mean most inedible, since that’s obvious what their made to be, they do it so well. My eyes wandered to the treetops and I noticed some concealed figures. There was only one type of people who concealed themselves in the treetops of Ladder forest, and they weren’t tree huggers.
“BANDITS, READY YOURSELVES.”
A Weavile dropped from the trees, and dashed at Jumpluff, other members of the gang, came out of different hiding spots. Their boss yelled at his gang to take ‘em alive. That suited me fine.
---
HeadHonchkrow sent out Jumpluff (lvl 100 Jumpluff ?).
Arck sent out Weavile (lvl 100 Weavile ?).
Weavile is exerting its pressure!
landerrous has entered the room.
HeadHonchkrow switched in Hypno (lvl 100 Hypno ?).
Weavile used Ice Punch.
Hypno lost 51% of its health.
Hypno's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hypno restored 6% of its health.
---.
“AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
Jumpluff was stunned by the speed, all she could do was hope the blow missed, which was highly doubtful. Yet the strike never came. Hypno had quickly thrown himself in front of her, taking the blow to his chest.
“Guys, a little he-“
---
Arck: Make is quick
Weavile used Night Slash.
It's super effective!
Hypno lost 55% of its health.
HeadHonchkrow's Hypno fainted.
---
Before he could finish his sentence, the Weavile sliced it’s claw straight across his chest. Hypno fell to the ground.
6-5 Arck
---
HeadHonchkrow switched in Pinsir (lvl 100 Pinsir ?).
Pinsir used Close Combat.
It's super effective!
Weavile lost 100% of its health.
Arck's Weavile fainted.
Pinsir's defence was lowered.
Pinsir's special defence was lowered.
---
However, his sacrifice had not been in vain, like the eye of a storm, Pinsir rocketed into the Weavile smashing it into the ground and out of the fight.
5-5 even
---
HeadHonchkrow: heh
Arck switched in Cacturne (lvl 100 Cacturne ?).
HeadHonchkrow: this team is theoretically evil in UU
Pinsir used Close Combat.
It's super effective!
Cacturne lost 100% of its health.
Cacturne hung on using its Focus Sash!
Pinsir's defence was lowered.
Pinsir's special defence was lowered.
Cacturne used Swords Dance.
Cacturne's attack was sharply raised.
---
Smiling cockily, Pinsir ran at the nearest foe, a cacturne, and barrelled into with many a punch and kick. The scarecrow was barely standing afterwards, revealing a focus sash that had somehow managed to prevent himself being knocked out. The scarecrow smirked, doing a small ritual in preparation for his next attack. Pinsir let out of a small laugh, there wouldn’t BE a next attack.
---
Cacturne used Sucker Punch.
Pinsir lost 100% of its health.
HeadHonchkrow's Pinsir fainted.
---
Pinsir charged again, only to be met with oblivion, as the cactus delivered a savage (and very obviously coming) sucker punch to Pinsir’s nether regions. From behind him, Hitmonlee charged at the foe, his fist glowing.
5-4 Arck
---
Arck: owned
HeadHonchkrow switched in Hitmonlee (lvl 100 Hitmonlee ?).
Hitmonlee used Mach Punch.
It's super effective!
Cacturne lost 0% of its health.
Arck's Cacturne fainted.
---
The cacturne attempted another sucker punch, yet Hitmonlee was ready for this, and quickly delivered a faster punch to his opponent’s face, taking the foe out of the battle.
4-4 even
---
Arck: dang
Arck switched in Mamoswine (lvl 100 Mamoswine ?).
Hitmonlee used Mach Punch.
It's super effective!
Mamoswine lost 67% of its health.
Mamoswine used Earthquake.
A critical hit!
Hitmonlee lost 100% of its health.
HeadHonchkrow's Hitmonlee fainted.
---
Seeing a Mamoswine preparing some sort of attack, Hitmonlee charged. The band around his leg magically forcing a repeat of his prior attack, and although he managed to hit the ice beast, he was unable to stop it’s attack and took a full powered earthquake.
4-3 Arck
---
HeadHonchkrow switched in Staraptor (lvl 100 Staraptor ?).
Staraptor's intimidate cut Mamoswine's attack!
Mamoswine used Ice Shard.
It's super effective!
Staraptor lost 47% of its health.
Staraptor used Return.
Mamoswine lost 33% of its health.
Arck's Mamoswine fainted.
---
Seeing the last recruit with any physical might go down, Staraptor stepped into the fray. The Mamoswine threw a quick ice shard at him, before being taken out by the corporal’s return.
3-3 Even
---
Arck switched in Medicham (lvl 100 Medicham ?).
Staraptor used Return.
Medicham lost 100% of its health.
Arck's Medicham fainted.
---
2-3 HeadHonchkrow
---
Arck switched in Magmortar (lvl 100 Magmortar ?).
Staraptor used Return.
Magmortar lost 100% of its health.
Arck's Magmortar fainted.
---
1-3 HeadHonchkrow
---
Arck switched in Breloom (lvl 100 Breloom ?).
landerrous has left the room.
Staraptor used Return.
Breloom lost 100% of its health.
Arck's Breloom fainted.
---
Suddenly, the corporal let out a bellow of rage, I have no idea what he was angry at so suddenly, or how he had so much rage in him, but in the blink of an eye, all four of the remaining bandits were knocked out.
0-3 HeadHonchkrow
---
HeadHonchkrow wins!
HeadHonchkrow: ...
Arck: wth
HeadHonchkrow: T'was what I thought
HeadHonchkrow: gg
Arck: w/e
Arck has left the room.
Aftermath: Hypno is in hospital for the next few weaks, but he’ll recover soon, and be back in the action. Same goes for Pinsir, although he’ll be on work detail for acting so headstrong. Hitmonlee, however, has had his legs badly injured from the earthquake, and won’t be coming back to the squad. He wants to return, but the doctor says his leg won’t heal properly if he tries to fight any time soon. Maybe he'll come back some day. Jumpluff was shaken by the Weavile, but is all right physically. I WILL be making her do extra speed training, however, since, as the starter, she was meant to be able to keep up with that sort of thing. I berated Dunsparce for being asleep during the battle, but you really can’t stay angry at him. Staraptor was given an extra $10 pay per month for his actions. We have another new recruit in the form of glaceon to replace hitmonlee and I received about $20 dollars bounty for the bandits... Damn cheap skates. This is Sergeant at Arms 'H.H' Helios, signing off.
Props: Hitmonlee, for taking out cacturne before it screwed me over
Staraptor, for sweeping four pokémon
My opponent, for putting up a good fight
Slops: Jumpluff, for not having enough base speed to out run Weavile
Me, for making such an obvious mistake against cacturne with
Pinsir
How’d you like it? I know the story wasn’t that good, nor was I, but I reckon the sweep from Staraptor was pretty unexpected.
Italics is the story
This is what really happened
My situation was less than stellar. Headquarters had given me command of 5 'promising' new recruits. "Make somethin' of em’, Sergeant" They said. "They performed to the highest quality in the training exercises". They took my old corporal, Honchkrow, away to re-assign him to the OU squad and replaced him with a cocky Choice bander known as Staraptor.
I'd intended to give 'em a taste of fighting by sending them up against some of the bandits in the hills of UU, but it seemed fate had different plans. Before we set off into forests, I got them to introduce themselves.
"Okay, What are your names and your specialities?"
"Jumpluff, sub-seeder and double status, sir."
She saluted smartly, smiling cheerfully. She didn’t look too promising, I hoped she’d toughen up by the time the meat would meet the metal.
"Hypno, special tank, sir."
A steady, calm salute. It was what I’d expect from a special tank.
"Hitmonlee, Choice bander, sir!"
A swift salute with a bit of fervour shown. He seemed to be attempting to impress me.
"Pinsir, Choice scarfed, SIR!"
A swifter salute, with even MORE enthusiasm. Trying to outdo the other, obviously.
"Dunsparce, hacker extraordinaire, dude."
"WE MAY BE AQUAINTED BUT YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS SIR."
"Yes, dude... sir."
Dunsparce and I met a few monthes back, he'd been assigned to my team to learn how to fight, a lesson he didn’t need. His style had no honour, which was one of the things I liked about him. If you’re gonna fight, fight serious.
We marched a while, around what I thought was a circle for an hour or so. Jumpluff took the lead, followed by hypno, then pinsir and hitmonlee (who were jostling each other since the latter was attempting to pass the former), Dunsparce lagged behind the others, just in front of us, occasionally asking why we were doing this, whilst I and the corporal yelled orders from behind (an yelled at Dunsparce to keep his trap shut an move faster, which he would for about 5 seconds).
As we continued marching, it seemed the trees were changing, which couldn’t be, right, since we were meant to be going in circles.
“Corporal, get out the damn map you were using.”
“Sure thing, sir.”
He produced the map which me and him had alternatively been reading from, holding it upside down.
“... You’ve been reading it upside down, and I was reading it right side up, we’re now somewhere in the ladder grove, you IDIOT.”
Yelling wasn’t the smartest thing, in retrospect.
Essentially, I made a new team of 5 UUs and 1 BL, because my other UU team wasn't too fast, and was pretty easy to set up on. Normally, my one BL pokemon would be Honchkrow, but I decided on another this time, Staraptor. I intended to try it out in the UU unrated section, but no-one was there. So instead, I sent them up against a ladder team.
Rules: Ladder Match, Sleep Clause, Freeze Clause, OHKO Clause, Evasion Clause, Species Clause, Strict Damage Clause
---
We wandered for about 5 minutes, trying to regain our bearings, when we came across a clearing. We all took a break from the marching, Jumpluff and Hypno inspecting the trees around the clearing suspiciously, Pinsir was practicing attacks at the air, Hitmonlee was watching his fellow recruit’s attacks intently, Dunsparce had fallen asleep, and the corporal and I were ‘enjoying’ a packet of the finest MRE on offer from head quarters. When I say finest, I mean most inedible, since that’s obvious what their made to be, they do it so well. My eyes wandered to the treetops and I noticed some concealed figures. There was only one type of people who concealed themselves in the treetops of Ladder forest, and they weren’t tree huggers.
“BANDITS, READY YOURSELVES.”
A Weavile dropped from the trees, and dashed at Jumpluff, other members of the gang, came out of different hiding spots. Their boss yelled at his gang to take ‘em alive. That suited me fine.
---
HeadHonchkrow sent out Jumpluff (lvl 100 Jumpluff ?).
Arck sent out Weavile (lvl 100 Weavile ?).
Weavile is exerting its pressure!
landerrous has entered the room.
HeadHonchkrow switched in Hypno (lvl 100 Hypno ?).
Weavile used Ice Punch.
Hypno lost 51% of its health.
Hypno's leftovers restored its health a little!
Hypno restored 6% of its health.
---.
“AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
Jumpluff was stunned by the speed, all she could do was hope the blow missed, which was highly doubtful. Yet the strike never came. Hypno had quickly thrown himself in front of her, taking the blow to his chest.
“Guys, a little he-“
---
Arck: Make is quick
Weavile used Night Slash.
It's super effective!
Hypno lost 55% of its health.
HeadHonchkrow's Hypno fainted.
---
Before he could finish his sentence, the Weavile sliced it’s claw straight across his chest. Hypno fell to the ground.
6-5 Arck
---
HeadHonchkrow switched in Pinsir (lvl 100 Pinsir ?).
Pinsir used Close Combat.
It's super effective!
Weavile lost 100% of its health.
Arck's Weavile fainted.
Pinsir's defence was lowered.
Pinsir's special defence was lowered.
---
However, his sacrifice had not been in vain, like the eye of a storm, Pinsir rocketed into the Weavile smashing it into the ground and out of the fight.
5-5 even
---
HeadHonchkrow: heh
Arck switched in Cacturne (lvl 100 Cacturne ?).
HeadHonchkrow: this team is theoretically evil in UU
Pinsir used Close Combat.
It's super effective!
Cacturne lost 100% of its health.
Cacturne hung on using its Focus Sash!
Pinsir's defence was lowered.
Pinsir's special defence was lowered.
Cacturne used Swords Dance.
Cacturne's attack was sharply raised.
---
Smiling cockily, Pinsir ran at the nearest foe, a cacturne, and barrelled into with many a punch and kick. The scarecrow was barely standing afterwards, revealing a focus sash that had somehow managed to prevent himself being knocked out. The scarecrow smirked, doing a small ritual in preparation for his next attack. Pinsir let out of a small laugh, there wouldn’t BE a next attack.
---
Cacturne used Sucker Punch.
Pinsir lost 100% of its health.
HeadHonchkrow's Pinsir fainted.
---
Pinsir charged again, only to be met with oblivion, as the cactus delivered a savage (and very obviously coming) sucker punch to Pinsir’s nether regions. From behind him, Hitmonlee charged at the foe, his fist glowing.
5-4 Arck
---
Arck: owned
HeadHonchkrow switched in Hitmonlee (lvl 100 Hitmonlee ?).
Hitmonlee used Mach Punch.
It's super effective!
Cacturne lost 0% of its health.
Arck's Cacturne fainted.
---
The cacturne attempted another sucker punch, yet Hitmonlee was ready for this, and quickly delivered a faster punch to his opponent’s face, taking the foe out of the battle.
4-4 even
---
Arck: dang
Arck switched in Mamoswine (lvl 100 Mamoswine ?).
Hitmonlee used Mach Punch.
It's super effective!
Mamoswine lost 67% of its health.
Mamoswine used Earthquake.
A critical hit!
Hitmonlee lost 100% of its health.
HeadHonchkrow's Hitmonlee fainted.
---
Seeing a Mamoswine preparing some sort of attack, Hitmonlee charged. The band around his leg magically forcing a repeat of his prior attack, and although he managed to hit the ice beast, he was unable to stop it’s attack and took a full powered earthquake.
4-3 Arck
---
HeadHonchkrow switched in Staraptor (lvl 100 Staraptor ?).
Staraptor's intimidate cut Mamoswine's attack!
Mamoswine used Ice Shard.
It's super effective!
Staraptor lost 47% of its health.
Staraptor used Return.
Mamoswine lost 33% of its health.
Arck's Mamoswine fainted.
---
Seeing the last recruit with any physical might go down, Staraptor stepped into the fray. The Mamoswine threw a quick ice shard at him, before being taken out by the corporal’s return.
3-3 Even
---
Arck switched in Medicham (lvl 100 Medicham ?).
Staraptor used Return.
Medicham lost 100% of its health.
Arck's Medicham fainted.
---
2-3 HeadHonchkrow
---
Arck switched in Magmortar (lvl 100 Magmortar ?).
Staraptor used Return.
Magmortar lost 100% of its health.
Arck's Magmortar fainted.
---
1-3 HeadHonchkrow
---
Arck switched in Breloom (lvl 100 Breloom ?).
landerrous has left the room.
Staraptor used Return.
Breloom lost 100% of its health.
Arck's Breloom fainted.
---
Suddenly, the corporal let out a bellow of rage, I have no idea what he was angry at so suddenly, or how he had so much rage in him, but in the blink of an eye, all four of the remaining bandits were knocked out.
0-3 HeadHonchkrow
---
HeadHonchkrow wins!
HeadHonchkrow: ...
Arck: wth
HeadHonchkrow: T'was what I thought
HeadHonchkrow: gg
Arck: w/e
Arck has left the room.
Aftermath: Hypno is in hospital for the next few weaks, but he’ll recover soon, and be back in the action. Same goes for Pinsir, although he’ll be on work detail for acting so headstrong. Hitmonlee, however, has had his legs badly injured from the earthquake, and won’t be coming back to the squad. He wants to return, but the doctor says his leg won’t heal properly if he tries to fight any time soon. Maybe he'll come back some day. Jumpluff was shaken by the Weavile, but is all right physically. I WILL be making her do extra speed training, however, since, as the starter, she was meant to be able to keep up with that sort of thing. I berated Dunsparce for being asleep during the battle, but you really can’t stay angry at him. Staraptor was given an extra $10 pay per month for his actions. We have another new recruit in the form of glaceon to replace hitmonlee and I received about $20 dollars bounty for the bandits... Damn cheap skates. This is Sergeant at Arms 'H.H' Helios, signing off.
Props: Hitmonlee, for taking out cacturne before it screwed me over
Staraptor, for sweeping four pokémon
My opponent, for putting up a good fight
Slops: Jumpluff, for not having enough base speed to out run Weavile
Me, for making such an obvious mistake against cacturne with
Pinsir
How’d you like it? I know the story wasn’t that good, nor was I, but I reckon the sweep from Staraptor was pretty unexpected.
