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Rock, Paper, Scissors, INFINITY! - Round 2
- Thread starter Doomsday
- Start date
- Status
Sorry for the delay, I had to prioritize mafia you see!
=====================================
Colonel Sanders wielding chicken drumstick nunchakus.
versus...
The Lance of Longinus wielded by King Arthur
One moody day of November, inside Tintagel Castle, King Arthur and Colonel Sanders were meeting to discuss of the fate of their respective fast food chains, White Castle and Kentucky Fried Chicken, both of which were being steamrolled by McWendy's. Following the example of their competitor, both businessmen decided to merge their chains into a new, bigger chain, Kentucky Fried White Castle. They needed a hook, though, a product that would draw the crowds.
Colonel Sanders enthusiastically unwrapped his newest product: chicken drumstick nunchakus. "Everybody loves ninjas!", he said as a justification. And then he picked up the nunchakus and started thrashing about. King Arthur nodded patiently before picking up the Lance of Longinus and impaling both drumsticks. He noted that the chain between the drumsticks was an impediment to eating and that he was not sure people would disregard that, before putting the lance down. "But what do you have to propose", said Sanders. King Arthur admitted that he did not know. The discussion was in a dead end. Sanders and Arthur sighed and each of them picked one of the drumsticks. As they started eating, they both stood up in a mix of shock and awe. "These are DELICIOUS!", said King Arthur, to which Colonel Sanders answered with an enthusiastic borborygm. The lance had the magical property to enhance the taste of chicken drumsticks a thousandfold!
A week later, the first KFWC opened. By word of mouth, more and more people came to try out the best chicken ever. A month later, McWendy's declared bankruptcy and both Colonel Sanders and King Arthur were drowning in cash. After getting a little too drunk, however, the two men came to a heated argument: who came first, the chicken or the drumstick? They decided to settle the game with a battle - the Colonel with his trusty drumstick nunchakus and King Arthur with his lance. Long story short, Arthur got a minor bruise above the left eye while Sanders got impaled and died of his wounds.
Winner: Lance of Longinus
=====================================
Rocket-propelled Black Hole launcher gun, with scope
versus...
Toothache the Druid having attained complete unity with nature
"Target acquired!"
Henchman 12, taking orders from Baron Von Scientist himself, used the Baron's latest machiavelical invention to shoot a black hole at Toothache the Druid, who was praying peacefully in the forest. As the black hole was about to hit Toothache and make him disappear, Toothache said serenely:
- Ah... there you are! I was waiting for you :)
The black hole stopped in front of Toothache.
- I beg your pardon?
- I know you are hungry, mister black hole, but not everything is about your hunger...
For the next two hours, Toothache the Druid talked to mister black hole. He enlightened him and made him feel more confident, less self-conscious, more balanced and in harmony with life and nature. The black hole shed a single tear, which he promptly absorbed, and then he cried a river, enough tears to cause a worldwide flood. He absorbed all of it back, though. And then he left Toothache, waving goodbye and vowing to work for galactic peace. He absorbed the gun and Henchman 12 and ascended into space where he ate forty galaxies and destroyed five billion peaceful alien civilizations.
Winner: Toothache the Druid
=====================================
A guido who has not showered in 3 months, wielding 2 extra-lasting glowsticks and a full can of hairspray.
versus...
Strong Jesus
Upon meeting the guido and being offended by his smell, Strong Jesus crushes his head with his bare fists. And then he makes out with Natalie Portman
Strong Jesus! Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Winner: Strong Jesus
=====================================
The notoriously sticky floors of the SkyCity Cinema in Centreplace Mall (Hamilton, New Zealand).
versus...
Radioactive Henry Winkler
After melting numerous women, destroying for seventy thousand dollars worth of electronic appliance and breaking a couple teeth on chewing gum he would transform into solid rock, Henry Winkler decided it was time to tackle his radioactivity problem. The only doctor with enough medical know-how to help him had a small office in Centreplace Mall in Hamilton, New Zealand. Since he was in a hurry and everybody was dying around him, he decided to take a shortcut through the SkyCity Cinema.
As soon as he set foot in the cinema, he noticed that something was wrong. Everybody was moving in slow-mo and many people were not moving at all, holding a bag of popcorn in the middle of the lobby. A child was crying while his mother, five feet away, was flailing to reach him. Another child was lying on his face and looked like he was dead. And then it dawned on him. "Fuck! These floors are STICKY!". After taking a few steps, Henry realized that he could not move anymore. And then he felt the radioactive charge build up in him. He had to move constantly in order to keep the radioactivity level acceptable, and now it was reaching critical levels. He turned a glowing green. And then, suddenly, he exploded, sinking all of New Zealand in the process. The sticky floors broke up and sunk into the oceans where they happily played tricks on plankton.
Winner: Sticky floors
=====================================
#space
versus...
A book with the words "DON'T PANIC" printed on the cover in large friendly letters.
Excerpt from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Page 419470823:
#space
Mostly harmless.
chaos sighs in relief before sending an army of drones to take over #space and set up a new reign of terror.
Winner: the book
=====================================
Colonel Sanders wielding chicken drumstick nunchakus.
versus...
The Lance of Longinus wielded by King Arthur
One moody day of November, inside Tintagel Castle, King Arthur and Colonel Sanders were meeting to discuss of the fate of their respective fast food chains, White Castle and Kentucky Fried Chicken, both of which were being steamrolled by McWendy's. Following the example of their competitor, both businessmen decided to merge their chains into a new, bigger chain, Kentucky Fried White Castle. They needed a hook, though, a product that would draw the crowds.
Colonel Sanders enthusiastically unwrapped his newest product: chicken drumstick nunchakus. "Everybody loves ninjas!", he said as a justification. And then he picked up the nunchakus and started thrashing about. King Arthur nodded patiently before picking up the Lance of Longinus and impaling both drumsticks. He noted that the chain between the drumsticks was an impediment to eating and that he was not sure people would disregard that, before putting the lance down. "But what do you have to propose", said Sanders. King Arthur admitted that he did not know. The discussion was in a dead end. Sanders and Arthur sighed and each of them picked one of the drumsticks. As they started eating, they both stood up in a mix of shock and awe. "These are DELICIOUS!", said King Arthur, to which Colonel Sanders answered with an enthusiastic borborygm. The lance had the magical property to enhance the taste of chicken drumsticks a thousandfold!
A week later, the first KFWC opened. By word of mouth, more and more people came to try out the best chicken ever. A month later, McWendy's declared bankruptcy and both Colonel Sanders and King Arthur were drowning in cash. After getting a little too drunk, however, the two men came to a heated argument: who came first, the chicken or the drumstick? They decided to settle the game with a battle - the Colonel with his trusty drumstick nunchakus and King Arthur with his lance. Long story short, Arthur got a minor bruise above the left eye while Sanders got impaled and died of his wounds.
Winner: Lance of Longinus
=====================================
Rocket-propelled Black Hole launcher gun, with scope
versus...
Toothache the Druid having attained complete unity with nature
"Target acquired!"
Henchman 12, taking orders from Baron Von Scientist himself, used the Baron's latest machiavelical invention to shoot a black hole at Toothache the Druid, who was praying peacefully in the forest. As the black hole was about to hit Toothache and make him disappear, Toothache said serenely:
- Ah... there you are! I was waiting for you :)
The black hole stopped in front of Toothache.
- I beg your pardon?
- I know you are hungry, mister black hole, but not everything is about your hunger...
For the next two hours, Toothache the Druid talked to mister black hole. He enlightened him and made him feel more confident, less self-conscious, more balanced and in harmony with life and nature. The black hole shed a single tear, which he promptly absorbed, and then he cried a river, enough tears to cause a worldwide flood. He absorbed all of it back, though. And then he left Toothache, waving goodbye and vowing to work for galactic peace. He absorbed the gun and Henchman 12 and ascended into space where he ate forty galaxies and destroyed five billion peaceful alien civilizations.
Winner: Toothache the Druid
=====================================
A guido who has not showered in 3 months, wielding 2 extra-lasting glowsticks and a full can of hairspray.
versus...
Strong Jesus
Upon meeting the guido and being offended by his smell, Strong Jesus crushes his head with his bare fists. And then he makes out with Natalie Portman
Strong Jesus! Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Winner: Strong Jesus
=====================================
The notoriously sticky floors of the SkyCity Cinema in Centreplace Mall (Hamilton, New Zealand).
versus...
Radioactive Henry Winkler
After melting numerous women, destroying for seventy thousand dollars worth of electronic appliance and breaking a couple teeth on chewing gum he would transform into solid rock, Henry Winkler decided it was time to tackle his radioactivity problem. The only doctor with enough medical know-how to help him had a small office in Centreplace Mall in Hamilton, New Zealand. Since he was in a hurry and everybody was dying around him, he decided to take a shortcut through the SkyCity Cinema.
As soon as he set foot in the cinema, he noticed that something was wrong. Everybody was moving in slow-mo and many people were not moving at all, holding a bag of popcorn in the middle of the lobby. A child was crying while his mother, five feet away, was flailing to reach him. Another child was lying on his face and looked like he was dead. And then it dawned on him. "Fuck! These floors are STICKY!". After taking a few steps, Henry realized that he could not move anymore. And then he felt the radioactive charge build up in him. He had to move constantly in order to keep the radioactivity level acceptable, and now it was reaching critical levels. He turned a glowing green. And then, suddenly, he exploded, sinking all of New Zealand in the process. The sticky floors broke up and sunk into the oceans where they happily played tricks on plankton.
Winner: Sticky floors
=====================================
#space
versus...
A book with the words "DON'T PANIC" printed on the cover in large friendly letters.
Excerpt from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Page 419470823:
#space
Mostly harmless.
chaos sighs in relief before sending an army of drones to take over #space and set up a new reign of terror.
Winner: the book
Colonel Sanders wielding chicken drumstick nunchakus.
versus...
The Lance of Longinus wielded by King Arthur
Kind Arthur was out to slay the evil Colonel Sanders who was terrorising citizens with chicken drumstick nunchakus. King Arthur found Sanders deep in the woodlands of Kentucky. “Behold my holy two-pronged lance, the Loginus” said Arthur.
<Sanders> eat a dick
<Sanders> i invented it
It seems that Sanders invented eating dicks! Arthur was confused. “huh?”
<+Sanders> i am feeling gayer by the minute
What the fuck was Sanders on about?
<+Sanders> as im literally feces <+Sanders> pure shit
Kind Arthur in was dazed and confused. Sanders took the opportunity to swing at the King with his nunchakus. Too bad the medieval king was wearing iron plated armor and was a vegetarian. The chicken had no effect on him. From the depths of the forest, came a loud and commanding voice, “Arthur, wake up”. This got him back to his senses. He proceeded to stab Sanders with his lance and rid the world of his tyranny.
Winner: Arthur
Rocket-propelled Black Hole launcher gun, with scope
versus...
Toothache the Druid having attained complete unity with nature
Looks like the large hadron collider had worked. It successfully created black holes. The USA was quick to apply this new technology and create a nasty new weapon to take over some other shithole country. They miniaturized the LHC and even added a scope. This time the US wanted to take down the English. They didn’t like their fucking accents or their fucking hats.
One man stood up to fight this tyranny. It was Toothache, the druid. He had meditated long and hard. He had grown a v. long beard. He had grown moss on that beard. He had attained complete unity with nature. Toothache let loose nature’s rage upon the Americans. He made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. He made giant man eating plants devour American infants. He even helped King Arthur defeat Colonel Sanders. After tireless fighting for over 3.74 years, Toothache finally managed to hunt down the Americans’ leader – Oprah Winfrey. She came equipped with the most advanced model of the Black Hole launcher. Toothache used his vinewall technique to avoid the oncoming onslaught of black holes. He then proceeded to choke Oprah with a long vine (it was once his penis).
Winner: Toothache the Druid.
A guido who has not showered in 3 months, wielding 2 extra-lasting glowsticks and a full can of hairspray.
versus...
Strong Jesus
Mr. Universe contest 2008. The final 5 had to show off how stylish they could be before one of them could become the next Mr. Universe. A guido, who was high on ecstasy and nutmeg, Strong Jesus, user Atlas, Nicolas Sarkozy and Ellen DeGeneres were the final 5. The judges had already decided that the real contest was beween the guido and Jesus. The other were merely pawns.
The guido started off by showing off his leet rave skillz with glowsticks while spiking his hair at the same time.
Strong Jesus responded by showing off an amazing feat of strength. He lifted up Atlas and then did a forward somersault through his crown of thorns.
The judges (chaos, vineon and mcgraw) declared Jesus was the winner cause they really didn’t like techno music.
Winner: Strong Jesus
The notoriously sticky floors of the SkyCity Cinema in Centreplace Mall (Hamilton, New Zealand).
versus...
Radioactive Henry Winkler
It was not longer Happy Days for Henry Winkler. He had fallen into a radioactive cesspool and had to be fished out. He had now become Fonzie the Zombie. He roamed the earth repairing vintage cars and combing his hair while continuously snapping his fingers.
His journeys lead him to Hamilton, New Zealand. He randomly wandered into the SkyCity Cinema in the Centreplace Mall where they were having a best of Happy Days marathon showing all day. But the floors in there were so sticky that Henry could no longer move. Being a zombie, he couldn’t even ask for help. He was now a permanent fixture there. SkyCity had assimilated him as it had assimilated many others.
Winner: Sticky floors
#space
versus...
A book with the words "DON'T PANIC" printed on the cover in large friendly letters.
Smogon Admin Aeolus came into #space. It seems that he was lost. He was going to panic. But then he remembered what he kept in his fanny pack. It was a book with the words "DON'T PANIC" printed on the cover in large friendly letters. Comforted by this thought, he relaxed and started chatting with the people in #space. He was unware of the fact that thunda and matamato were secretly at war with each other to see who becomes the supreme ruler of #space.
All of a sudden, all hell broke loose. The book was ripped to pieces during the battle. Thankfully Aeolus was able to /part in time. But he had lost his book forever.
Winner: #space
versus...
The Lance of Longinus wielded by King Arthur
Kind Arthur was out to slay the evil Colonel Sanders who was terrorising citizens with chicken drumstick nunchakus. King Arthur found Sanders deep in the woodlands of Kentucky. “Behold my holy two-pronged lance, the Loginus” said Arthur.
<Sanders> eat a dick
<Sanders> i invented it
It seems that Sanders invented eating dicks! Arthur was confused. “huh?”
<+Sanders> i am feeling gayer by the minute
What the fuck was Sanders on about?
<+Sanders> as im literally feces <+Sanders> pure shit
Kind Arthur in was dazed and confused. Sanders took the opportunity to swing at the King with his nunchakus. Too bad the medieval king was wearing iron plated armor and was a vegetarian. The chicken had no effect on him. From the depths of the forest, came a loud and commanding voice, “Arthur, wake up”. This got him back to his senses. He proceeded to stab Sanders with his lance and rid the world of his tyranny.
Winner: Arthur
Rocket-propelled Black Hole launcher gun, with scope
versus...
Toothache the Druid having attained complete unity with nature
Looks like the large hadron collider had worked. It successfully created black holes. The USA was quick to apply this new technology and create a nasty new weapon to take over some other shithole country. They miniaturized the LHC and even added a scope. This time the US wanted to take down the English. They didn’t like their fucking accents or their fucking hats.
One man stood up to fight this tyranny. It was Toothache, the druid. He had meditated long and hard. He had grown a v. long beard. He had grown moss on that beard. He had attained complete unity with nature. Toothache let loose nature’s rage upon the Americans. He made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. He made giant man eating plants devour American infants. He even helped King Arthur defeat Colonel Sanders. After tireless fighting for over 3.74 years, Toothache finally managed to hunt down the Americans’ leader – Oprah Winfrey. She came equipped with the most advanced model of the Black Hole launcher. Toothache used his vinewall technique to avoid the oncoming onslaught of black holes. He then proceeded to choke Oprah with a long vine (it was once his penis).
Winner: Toothache the Druid.
A guido who has not showered in 3 months, wielding 2 extra-lasting glowsticks and a full can of hairspray.
versus...
Strong Jesus
Mr. Universe contest 2008. The final 5 had to show off how stylish they could be before one of them could become the next Mr. Universe. A guido, who was high on ecstasy and nutmeg, Strong Jesus, user Atlas, Nicolas Sarkozy and Ellen DeGeneres were the final 5. The judges had already decided that the real contest was beween the guido and Jesus. The other were merely pawns.
The guido started off by showing off his leet rave skillz with glowsticks while spiking his hair at the same time.
Strong Jesus responded by showing off an amazing feat of strength. He lifted up Atlas and then did a forward somersault through his crown of thorns.
The judges (chaos, vineon and mcgraw) declared Jesus was the winner cause they really didn’t like techno music.
Winner: Strong Jesus
The notoriously sticky floors of the SkyCity Cinema in Centreplace Mall (Hamilton, New Zealand).
versus...
Radioactive Henry Winkler
It was not longer Happy Days for Henry Winkler. He had fallen into a radioactive cesspool and had to be fished out. He had now become Fonzie the Zombie. He roamed the earth repairing vintage cars and combing his hair while continuously snapping his fingers.
His journeys lead him to Hamilton, New Zealand. He randomly wandered into the SkyCity Cinema in the Centreplace Mall where they were having a best of Happy Days marathon showing all day. But the floors in there were so sticky that Henry could no longer move. Being a zombie, he couldn’t even ask for help. He was now a permanent fixture there. SkyCity had assimilated him as it had assimilated many others.
Winner: Sticky floors
#space
versus...
A book with the words "DON'T PANIC" printed on the cover in large friendly letters.
Smogon Admin Aeolus came into #space. It seems that he was lost. He was going to panic. But then he remembered what he kept in his fanny pack. It was a book with the words "DON'T PANIC" printed on the cover in large friendly letters. Comforted by this thought, he relaxed and started chatting with the people in #space. He was unware of the fact that thunda and matamato were secretly at war with each other to see who becomes the supreme ruler of #space.
All of a sudden, all hell broke loose. The book was ripped to pieces during the battle. Thankfully Aeolus was able to /part in time. But he had lost his book forever.
Winner: #space
yeah, I'm beginning to worry that not enough people get the reference (judges especially)
hi people I don't want to keep you waiting so I was wondering if there's anyone who would like to replace me as a judge in this round. pm me for the job. keep in mind it's for this round only, i haven't been feeling particularly inspired and a bit busy, and i dont want to keep you waiting so yeah.
if you wanna replace me as judge, be sure to pm me noobs.
if you wanna replace me as judge, be sure to pm me noobs.
Merci beaucoup, mon ami!
MATCHES
Colonel Sanders wielding chicken drumstick nunchakus. - Batpig
versus...
The Lance of Longinus wielded by King Arthur - CaptKirby advances to the finals
Rocket-propelled Black Hole launcher gun, with scope - GTS
versus...
Toothache the Druid having attained complete unity with nature - aamto advances to the finals
A guido who has not showered in 3 months, wielding 2 extra-lasting glowsticks and a full can of hairspray. - Jackal
versus...
Strong Jesus - zerowing advances to the finals
The notoriously sticky floors of the SkyCity Cinema in Centreplace Mall (Hamilton, New Zealand). - Hipmonlee advances to the finals
versus...
Radioactive Henry Winkler - WER
--
#space - evan defeats Shiv in a mighty battle of wits
versus...
A book with the words "DON'T PANIC" printed on the cover in large friendly letters. - Shiv
I still like thunda's take on it though!
i did win in our predictions :)
- Status